I'm so disappointed right now that "meatplane" is just a nerdy word for real life, instead of an actual plane made of meat lashed together with intestines. If I were Satan, I would only fly on Meat Force One.

Just to confuse you.

I KNEW YOU WERE THE HOTPOCKET TROLL. KNEW. IT.

SHUT UP YOU'RE RUINING THE KITTEN BOX WITH YOUR TRUTH AND YOUR READING COMPREHENSION

Okay, I took my bra off and now my stress level is down to about 25.

Uh, this made me inexplicably tear up, so I'm gonna say my stress level is currently about a 48 on a scale of 1 - 10.

The most annoying thing about children is that you can't leave them in a kennel nearly as long as you can a dog. Ugh. Children. THE WORST.

I WANT TO STEAL HER. Sometimes I praise her in all-caps creepy ways ways on Twitter ("IF SOMEONE SAYS ANYTHING BAD ABOUT CLARE BOWEN'S HAIR, I'LL STAB THEM IN THE EYES WITH GARDEN SHEARS") and she always stars me.

DID YOU SEE CLARE BOWEN'S DRESS? I worship at her little gelfling feet.

It's excruciating to have a family member who is so toxic, or abusive, or ridden by inescapable demons of mental health or substance abuse, that you have to cut them out of your life. It's excruciating because of the way outsiders judge you. It's excruciating because you know they are forever desperately in need of…

No, you're not alone; that's what most people take away from this story.

I saw a kid from the school posting on Twitter in the immediate aftermath of the shooting. He was clearly EXTREMELY scared, shocked, and distraught. There were at least ten (probably more) reporters barraging him with questions, asking him to call them, demanding more info.

Hey you! I haven't seen you in ages! And you're posting a gif of New York, the queen of my black little heart, which only makes me miss you more. I hope life is lavishing you with good things.

This is the closest thing I have to a ghost story. It isn't scary, but it is haunting.

I cannot even begin to state how much I respect a vulgar person such as yourself.

My husband is out of town this weekend, and the last thing I should do is read these while I'm alone. So I will be reading every single one, obvs.

I must collapse on the nearest available fainting couch. Anthony Weiner lied about how many House of Cards episodes he watched?! I'm not sure I can handle a revelation of this magnitude.

"Fact: Everything I'm saying is supposition."

I think she was a fairly well-known reviewer on Goodreads, but I'm only gleaning that from all of the articles about this. I followed her on Twitter and had no idea she was a Goodreads reviewer.