Holy typos, batman. And that was dead sober, too. Whew.

I’m shocked at the way people are making an effort to take this personally. Do they know that I’m the whitest white girl ever (a condition diagnosed by my first pediatrician pediatrician) and will probably be as boring as anyone by the time I hit middle age? I’ve said overtly bitchy and grouchy things under my old…

Ugh, I’m sorry. This must be so stressful for everyone involved: people who need to get time off work or alternate childcare, people whose schedules have gotten badly snarled because of this, and of course everyone who’s just plain scared for their child’s safety. I couldn't imagine how you all will feel when the kids…

But you don’t think that people who don’t wash their hair every day are gross, right? Therefore you don’t “think not stripping your scalp with shampoo every day” makes a person dirty, right? So I’m not talking about you, a reasonable person who doesn't require people to adhere to your beauty standards due to a…

I’m really sorry you feel that way. I’m kinda baffled at how personally people are taking a comment that says Wen’s taking the system used for textured hair, repackaging it and giving it legitimacy for incredibly conventional people who would otherwise eschew unconventional hair care techniques that are less common…

I thought it sounded nicer than judgmental, racist, Midwestern bitches like my aunts and cousins, who see anything that departs from their narrow experience of the world as inherently wrong, and also as gross if it’s in anyway associated with persons of color. Because then I’d get a bunch of people getting all flouncy…

How does this not have all the stars?

You misunderstood the people at whom the snark was directed. I wasn’t talking about people whose hair requires regular shampooing to look nice. My mom’s one of them. She somehow also recognizes that not every comment made on the Internet is a personal attack on her.

It’s definitely not for everyone. I love that you just acknowledged it’s not for you instead of saying it straight up doesn’t work.

You sound like my flavor of white lady: slightly weird and less than conventional. When I say boring white woman, I mean my mom’s super narrow-minded, conformist, judgmental Midwestern relatives. Judgy racist hypocritical bitches. And they have bad hair and skin, to boot. If you’re going to ask someone how they get…

Babycat picture! Yaaaay! My baby cat was legally Serene, and became Boo (or boo boo, boo bunny, boozle berry, or boozy girl) within a week of being named. We’re huge on nicknames in my family.

Yuuuup. I’m a grown up who can drive and I have an apartment for which my parents don’t have keys. Sexting is a nice form of foreplay sometimes, but I’m not a kid trying to figure out how to get laid without dad finding out. If I want sex, I can have it whenever I and my consenting partner want. Plus, my partner is…

If you (just assuming you’re a straight haired person) find that your hair isn’t lying as sleekly and as flat as you’d like, and your hair, scalp, or both tend toward dryness, it can’t hurt to try. While my hair is often in very tight corkscrews, when the humidity in my house drops under 20% it becomes what I call…

I say this to everyone. It’s the curly girl no-’poo system made palatable for boring white women who think not stripping your scalp with shampoo every day is the same thing as being a dirty diseased garbage person.

It’s not a combo. It’s the curly girl no-poo system monetized and pushed on people who think not using shampoo means your hair is a roiling mass of plague bacteria and lice. And I say this as someone who’s using the product. It’s washing your hair with conditioner, which I’ve been doing for seven years without needing…

Did your mother get married in fourth grade? If so, I’m definitely your mother, now please go wash your hands before coming to the table. Dinner’s ready and getting colder while we wait. And don’t hide your veg under your potatoes. I made beer sprouts with extra bacon just for you.

It really was! I had note books covered in sunflower contact paper. Rewatching shows from the nineties, everything really was a sunflower orgy explosion.

My cat gave me underwear and salty crunchy snacks. Now that I think about it, she would usually end up licking/running off with both. I wonder if that was strategy or coincidence.

That’s some fucking commitment right there. I love it. Do people in your family get presents from the dog?

Thank you! I really was wondering what the recommended course of action was. What’s the usual outcome of juvenile charges?