Hahaha. I thought I was Rose from Titanic. Baller.

You know, I have sold several of those things show above. Tacky as fuck. They're teenagers, you can't tell them anything. But when I've sold ten neon backless dresses in a row and I'm feeling down, I get one girl who lets me dress her like Grace-fucking-Kelly in lavender tea-length tulle gown and vintage jewels,…

Yes they will. The commenters will simultaneously find a way to get mad at the female soldier for not saying no clearly enough and for being too mean to the commanding officer. But they're totally not sexist and HOW DARE you imply that they are!

they've literally set people on fire in public for less.

What about calling the pedophile priests to turn themselves in so that they can stop committing this sin that distances them from their god and their everlasting time with him? Why just the victims? Shouldn't he tell the priests that they too aren't right with god and that they need to rectify it?*

You can forgive someone and pursue them to the ends of the fucking earth to prosecute them at the same time.

Do you really think the Pope has the power to compel any Catholic to do what he wants? I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding about the Catholic Church.

Blaming child molestation on celibacy is akin to blaming child molestation on homosexuality.

pigs living primarily in the south of Spain

I put fresh clean, virgin scrubby poofs in my guest bathroom, but last time I had guests, my sister asked me for "a real washcloth, please." Which I had on hand, neatly folded in the drawer. Just didn't put them out. I also had traditional bar soap, liquid body soap, and a variety of bath salts and bubbles in case…

"I don't mean to spill haterade on your skinny jeans, but this doc is all kinds of fail. Sorry, not sorry."

I work at a doggie daycare, and I fart all the time secure in the knowledge that no one will hear over the barking, and I can just blame the smell on the dogs.

Here's a few lady secrets for ya:

Hahahaha! My usually composed GF loses her shit when she sees loose hair. A white tiled bathroom is her personal hell. Add a spider and I think she might explode.

Nothing would be bad about it to me and not to my religion either. Jesus was a dude. Dudes had wives. Jesus could have totally had a wife. It's not something we've discussed (in my experience), likely because it doesn't affect us or change the fact that whether or not he had a wife, we still need to raise funds to…

Yeah, that perfume is amaaaaaaaaaazing. It's my spring perfume. I do actually kind of feel like I'm in a poufy pink dress walking through an enchanted forest when I put it on! I love it. It's just appley enough without being too appley.

I like the note that she probably isn't as excited to meet a heterosexual as you are to meet a lesbian, as she was probably raised with them...

Don't you mean her cat or her Subaru?

Well she *is* in college, you pedant/spoilsport/dreamcrusher.

I am quite sure that nobody who has been to prison in the U.S. has ever been helped or saved by it. U.S. prisons have cut all rehabilitation-oriented budgets and are now just places where you go to be verbally abused by backwards redneck guards who don't give a damn about you or your well-being, and view it as their…