Meanwhile, caring dog owners like myself stayed at home in the warmth while letting Dozer the Big Black Dog (actually name on collar) hump his favorite blanky until he falls over and instantly goes to sleep.CARE FOR YOUR DOGS PEOPLE!

Are you trying to tell me that the now defunct CHL team, Macon Whoopie actually knew that their name was a sexual innuendo???

Ok...wait...they gave a 36 year old who has clearly been past his prime for 3+ years a 5yr $120 million contract???? I can’t wait to watch them roll 41 year old Cano’s wheelchair out to second base during that 5th year bc it’s cheaper to play him than replace him. Lol. This is gonna be fun.

Wow. You nailed the description of that room. What a fucking nightmare. I’m pretty sure that room has served as the backdrop of every ISIS video ever.

Funny you mentioned the beer can throwing. Went to Preakness as a college student in 2006. As soon as we got into the infield, I see a shiny object flying through the air and blasting this unsuspecting fella in front of me, knocking him out cold. It was a full beer can (natty light I’m sure) and it put about a 3inch…

He’d make a hell of a pool boy if the whole marriage thing doesn’t work out. I’m sure he doesn’t own a single shirt with actual sleeves or shorts that go below 5 inches above the knee.

Here’s some sage advice,

Oh please, so he shit his pants ONLY once after eating McDonald’s 22 years ago. Meanwhile, that big orange parade float of a president does this every evening after gorging himself on his obligatory fast food buffet. It’s called being presidential. Grow up Australia!

I would rather listen to ASMR videos of bowel movements than have to sit through an hour of Mike Francesa’s Radio Show. He is such a knob.

This incident only further solidifies my theory that every couple years or so, professional athletes should be encouraged to go “Malice in the Palace” on a few “lucky fans” that cross the line from enthusiastic fan to obnoxious dickhead. Fans would be far less likely to act like human garbage if they knew there was a…

“Officer you misunderstood me. When I told you to ‘gargle my balls’ after you handed me the ticket it was actually an inside joke between my passenger and I regarding our ardent support for Blue Lives Matter.”

Now this is what I call some Bob Woodward level of investigative journalism. Going back nearly 2 decades to locate sources from a 5th grade Jewish rec basketball team...in Omaha, fucking Nebraska! Congratulations on your future pulitzer.

Wow, this one hit very close to home. When I was wounded in Mosul, Iraq (collapsed lung, lacerated kidney and all sorts of other fun things) I was then flown to Landstuhl RMC, Germany for further medical attention. I remember waking up after an emergency operation to remove a blood clot and seeing my parents at my…

I don’t know who this Anonymous Scout guy is but he never seems to have a positive thing to say about any athlete, in any sport. Ever. What a dick.

Knick’s fans remind me of Notre Dame fans. Both fan bases feel that they deserve relevancy despite all evidence suggesting that their prime ended decades ago and nobody gives a shit anymore. 

All due respect to your list but I think that reality ruined “Linsanity.”

I was so excited to make a Marvin Harrison comment but you just had to show off didn’t ya? I guess I’ll just stay down here in the grays then.

Marvin Harrison has really gotten out of control since his playing days ended.

It’s incredible to see that there are actual countries out there with Leaders that are even more sensitive and petty than Trumple Foreskin.

The Knicksiest thing that could happen is the Knicks fall out of the top 2, despite all of their effort(?) to finish last this season. They end up with Cam Fucking Reddish (yes I’ve read all about his potential upside and I’m still not sold) he spends 2 years putting up 12/3/1 stat lines before he gets packaged…