When I was 14 or 15, I participated in a summer live-in college prep program at the local university. There were, IIRC, 125 other high-school kids, along with a dozen or so staff and instructors. At the beginning of the program, they distributed a whole lot of paperwork that most people never read, including a list of…

So apparently he just has a problem with LANES in general. STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE IN ALL SITUATIONS, GOSLING.

Eating a pint of ice cream by yourself is shameful, eating a quart in one sitting is just damn impressive.

My deep cleaning advice: Wear gloves and use elbow grease! Use a generous squirt of Dawn dishsoap in a bucket of warm water. You should wash all hard surfaces in circular motions with old rags and toss the rags as they get soiled. Dump and re-fill your bucket frequently. Get a scrub brush with bristles for the tough…

I got great news today! I got into the Master's of Special Education program I applied for. I start in January. It'll be new and exciting because I've never taken an education course or worked at a school before, I know it's something I want to do because I've been working with people with special needs for years, and…

Meatloaf can be your friend! I don't put ketchup on top. It's gotta be barbecue sauce and chopped bacon. Damn, now I really want meatloaf.

Dad: "Good night. I love you, pumpkin."

I think you gave all the details, but I feel like I still need to know so much more.

I used that line once and the guy said "Oh, he doesn't let you have hot friends?" and I said "Yeah, that's really not the issue here." and didn't realize until after I said it that it was actually a Clever Response, implying that he was not hot!

I'm going to compare other celebrities to grains:

Jane Austin's novels primarily concern plucky young women having to choose between dashing alt-country singers and earnest Java developers all the while set in the glamorous backdrop of a three hour line-up for BBQ.

I think Michael Sam has a pretty good story and it has nothing to do with his being gay. It is amazing that he's alive, not on drugs, not in jail, or not homeless.

It's funny how it comes at the bowl sideways. Like "play it cool, play it cool, just chillin, not looking at the food, just looking *past* it..."

Oh can I rant about the homeless one? Please?

You should have gone to the bathroom and said "I'll send you something too", then sent him a picture of a bigger dick.

In my early 20s I worked at an Ohio amusement park that rhymes with Rings Ryland, selling fried foods at a booth and sometimes frying them myself, and on busy nights and weekends selling beer and pretzels under the fake Eiffel Tower. We had our share of idiots, like the entitled morons who did not understand why I was…

"Have I told you the one about my penis? Oh, never mind, it's too long,"

Ha! Yeah, that Whiskeysaurus will getcha! Watch out for the Ptequiladactyl too!

This is the best one. I'm gonna die of laughter. Maybe he'll snap my picture.

The banana is the best part.