do you ever think that even though your cat is your best friend you are not theirs?

Thanks for the recs! :)

I’m always in my best shape when I’m hiking runyon regularly-Ive gone 3-4 times in 6 months as of late so...things aren’t going well. I’m face blind when it comes to celebs but apparently I saw Amy Schumer there this summer. As in a blond woman I didn’t recognize in any way passed us, my dog attempted to smell her…

DADDY WINCHESTER!!!

Jezebel Commenter on anyone named Jenny: ‘Ick!’

Heavyweights 2 has been cancelled...due to lack of hustle. Deal with it.

I have an aunt like that (but with nuts—and she’s not allergic either). I just don’t get it. Unless a restaurant has a totally separate kitchen for allergen-free food, you are going to have cross-contamination. These people must expend a ridiculous amount of energy arguing about food.

No he doesn’t. You have terrible taste.

Because the number one thing I want coworkers and potential employers to see when they google me is “She could have called back after that one night stand... Bitch didn’t even let me spend the night... Sorry for the drunk post.”

his cellphone was “stolen in Canada.”

The ingenious waitress’ name has been lost to history, but the Legend of The Waitress With The World’s Driest Sense Of Humor is still whispered to this very day.

The Reuben one reminded me of a story Terry Pratchett told. He said that one jet-lagged evening he accidently asked for Three Mile Island dressing for his salad. The waitress didn’t say a word, just brought him Thousand Island dressing and a bottle of hot sauce.

As a black person, I love how he is using racial remarks as an excuse to do this. He thinks Black America is gonna be like “oh she called him the n-word so he had to do it.” This dude needs to rot.

I’m just a frozen caveman. Your world frightens and confuses me.

Raise your hand if you had a Samantha!!!

I did re-read it in his voice and now he’s narrating the WHOLE article!! Help! Make it stop!

Ugh, what a busy summer Kylie’s going to have. She has to send out invites for her 18th birthday party, plan a wedding, make amends with Blac Chyna, and fill out a voter registration card!

My cat, who once opened a microwave oven while the popcorn was popping, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once destroyed a floor-to-ceiling lamp with her butt, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once fell off a bookshelf at 3 AM only to land butt-first on my face (catass…

Her?