It’s a joke, he’s not actually announcing a candidacy in the comments section of a Gawker article about the would-be candidate’s DUI.

I had a woman request a new glass of ice water, because, and I can’t make this up, “her ice water was watered down.”

Ohhhhhhhhhhh,
Who knows about cucumbers under the sea?
THIS-EM-PLOY-EE!
But never set foot in a garden has she!
THIS-EM-PLOY-EE!

...the waiter spilled every ounce of Guinness on those shiny new books (it was a bit sad - cries of "save the books!" actually happened).

so good.