My favorite Patton Oswalt bit.

Ahhh-firmative!

I think I read that waaaay back in the day but I had completely forgotten it existed until that cover art brought it back to me.

Right? We don't get to see how many stars he assigned it.

Adorbs!

My mom is always going on about commercials she hates/that are annoying/that feature assholes, etc.

They Total Recalled her!

I thought it was that they couldn't cross over the threshold of a church without bursting into flames.

Yeah, where's even the Katie Couric/Sarah Palin "What magazines do you read?" question?*

And reaching unprecedented levels of effectiveness!

I'm cosigning that.

Being mean to Jewel Staite is like vivisecting puppies, man. You just don't do that.

Agreed.

Hmm. I like it.

Is your team the Seahawks?

Seriously, all the font talk in this thread is magic.

{{wave of 90s nostalgia}}

Needs more upvotes.

Except that friend was really just a dude who *thought* he was right all the time even though he was only right maybe 75% of the time.

Honestly, I can see merit in all three of those points of view.