I'm guessing he was one of those executive chefs who really doesn't do shit.

I can neither confirm nor deny that I am totally going to do that.

Um, they are both real AND affirming in the pursuit of personal growth and family relationships.

sometimes i forget if narwhals are real or fictional, and then i google to check and i'm just SO STOKED every time i re-find out they're real.

Kelly, I say this with love, I think your math is wrong...?

Demonizing fat people doesn't help. He's a bad fucking person, size has nothing to do with it.

It is sad that this needs to be stated, especially here. The articles first comments were very dismissive and that people didn't believe him. That breaks my heart.

This Thanksgiving I've already heard the word thug at least 15 times. And, the real kicker, "they're all criminals, maybe we should just shoot them all." Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like a resounding call to racial genocide.

Have an awesome Turkey Day, y'all. I'll be in the backyard sneaking a spliff and trying to…

Your mom's sister is just not trying hard enough. Back when I had cable, I could find an episode of Whitish playing on every station, at any time I felt like watching it. It's constantly in reruns, too. Maybe her remote's broke. ;)

if this shit is frumpy i'll kill everyone.

she literally has the best hair. i want tay to get her curls back and then i will lose my mind.

So, anyone else prepping to explain to friends and family over the holiday exactly why this was so fucked up? Anyone? As the resident Liberal Artist Kid in my family, I expect I'll be assailed with questions. And if I can't answer them satisfactorily, then of course The System Works.

"Oh please. it was a tragic event where two people made mistakes."

ANDREW WE NEED TO HAVE A FUCKING TALK

I wanted to include this in DB, but ran out of time! Anyway, Emma Stone is the shit.

Taylor Swift dating your son is your biggest fear?

So Maria doesn't like young women who are nice, polite, gorgeous, and have good hearts? (OMG I sound like Adultasaur right now lol)

Jesus H., whose bright idea was it to send a pregnant lady to the opening of a children's hospice?! Like NO SHIT she was totes emosh. :-|

Failing to pay attention to pop culture whatsoever for the last 40 years may be unusual, but it's not particularly admirable.

if you look up the definition of "tries too hard" I'm fairly certain you'll see Gaga's picture.