“I can’t remember the last time I saw a police officer”

Is there any description of the shake that actually tells you what it is? 

Or, if you are in my family, “mothballs”,

UGH. When I was about six, our cat brought a dead opossum into the house. Except it wasn’t dead, of course. It was playing possum. I still remember screaming and running my the stairs in my peppermint-striped flannel nightgown while my dad attempted to throw a wastebasket over the thing.   

Ernest Scared Stupid. When the little girl turns over in bed and that disgusting giant snot troll is lying next to her? Scarred for life, folks.

I just bought figs this morning. I roasted most of them and topped them with honey and goat cheese, but now I know what I’m doing with the rest of them. 

“We’ve got Joey Lawrence, Jamie Kennedy. Just looking at our cast of people, this isn’t playing out like a low-budget film.”

I was all “oh John Schneider, no!” for a second and then I realized I was thinking of the wrong Smallville dad and that John Glover is the one I like. 

Chicken tetrazzini, maybe? It seems like one of those things you could do so much with, but is so plain that I don’t even know where to start.

I hear “yarry”

Yes, please.

I’ve had people question me before when I’ve sent “hey, you have the wrong address” emails. One , rather rudely asking if I was sure I didn’t schedule the appointment in question . As if as a non-engaged person living in another state, it might have just slipped my mind that I had scheduled a tour of a wedding venue…

I sprinkle on some MSG along with a mix of nutritional yeast and grated parm.

For me, it’s not so much his voice itself as it is his speech patterns. So many bizarrely timed pauses. Every other sentence seems to have a dramatic pause, even when nothing of any importance is being said. It’s like someone doing a bad Shatner impression.

Right? It’s not like “Oh, I told him I was a spy in town on a secret mission to fight alien invaders and he totally believed me!” He believed her because why would it ever cross his mind that someone would possibly lie about that?

Literally just said aloud “Oh, go fuck yourself!” when I saw this picture.

I am 33 and I have make-up that I’ve owned since middle school.

Okay, that makes sense. I’m far less forgiving of mildly douchey behavior when it comes for a musician/actor/etc that I already don’t enjoy.

Genuine question, because I see a lot of hate for Sheeran but know next to nothing about him: Is he a sleazebag/jerk/etc, or does he just make music that people don’t like?

The 1971 Wonka fills me with warm happy nostalgia feelings. Sounds like a great way to celebrate turning 40.