Yeesh...and I thought MY mum was an asshole.

It’s called “Beauty Face.”

Or...you could just dismiss my follow-up questions.

Oh man, your father-in-law is a hero. Who thinks that clearly in a situation like that? Amazing.

I wasn’t talking about myself. I have no idea how I would react in such a situation (other than knowing I would call 911 because I’ll call 911 at the drop of a hat).

It’s not bullshit, and you don’t have to be mean: I very clearly said to call 911, but you are not supposed to intervene when someone is wielding a knife.

And that means you get to watch the entire restaurant and that you get the comfy seat. I think I feel a phobia coming on myself!

But, more importantly, there’s a beach in LONDON? WTF?

I live in a relatively non-violent place, but when I was young, a man was getting physical with a woman outside a nightclub. A citizen tried to intervene and was stabbed to death. All kinds of raising-of-awareness messages aired on local TV after the incident warning people NEVER to intervene in a physical…

I love your husband too. I seriously just love citizens in general: good people who care enough to intervene when something goes wrong. I’m a 911 champ as well, but I’m a chicken when it comes to intervening in violence. I once called 911 because a duck and her ducklings were walking along the centre barrier of the…

Didn’t you see the last episode of OITNB?

Oh god...I’m so conflicted.

Wow—oh shit! I was so excited to watch this because I love the show...and I love Jerry...and I love Margaret Cho.

Yeah, like Winona Ryder: she always acts like she’s in a high school play, which kinda worked when she was a teenager, but got tired pretty fast.

Hahaha—for YEARS, I read the constant Kardashian hate everywhere and didn’t know much about them at all. Then, last January, I thought I’d watch the show (oddly enough because I saw a preview and was fascinted by the huge salads they were all eating). I was so surprised because they all seem quite charming and it’s…

But surely the same could be said of, say, Scarlett Johanson (just picked her because she was also married to Ryan Reynolds) and dozens of other actresses. Oh, how about Dakota Johnson or Kate Hudson, both of whom were born into wealth, privilege, and movie-stardom!

I don’t get the Blake Lively hate at all. I’m not saying I’m above it (I totally get the Gwyneth hate, for example), but she just seems like a nice unpretentious young actress. I thought she was good in that Ben Affleck movie and she told an adorable story about meeting Obama on a late night talk show. Could someone…

Ya got that right: I call myself her “Consigliere.”—everyone’s afraid of her, so they ask me to intercede on their behalf. My dad asked me to ask her if he invited her to an anniversary party whether she’d come because he was too afraid to ask her (he’d been an asshole about something).

Yeah, I think my sister is a particularly good nurse because she was really, really sick for a decade of her life and knows what it’s like to be a patient.

Yeah, I haven’t done that either (so far!), but I also know people who have terrible, terrible anxiety and they take shit they shouldn’t because the alternative is insanely awful.