Oh, and one more thing: you can be guaranteed that the fucking assholes who repeated what Ms. Blair said while under the influence were NOT the nurses who cared for her during the flight.

Absolutely—and those cold, hard bitches (your ma and my sister) will watch your fucking back until you die, but they’ll also call you on any bullshit and hold you accountable for everything. Everyone needs a nurse in their life.

She was actually pissed off when I told the story to my other family members. I said, “But you were like a super hero! And I was a normal!” She said, “Oh fuck off.”

It must be great to be so perfect.

I don’t really get why you have to publish what she said when she was in an altered state. That just seems cruel.

I know: I LOVE NURSES. My sister is a nurse and she is fucking awesome.

HAhahahaha—I wore short yoga pants today because the sun came out!!! My uniform is a Roots knitted hoody, yoga pants, and upscale flipflops. My life is sweeeeeeet.

Oh, for fuck’s sake. Let me guess: English?

Well, I wasn’t suggesting outing him....I just thought he’d come out at some point.

He was a pimply-faced Brit with bad teeth and his name was Darren.

But there seems to be so many ways around this: what if you say you don’t have a phone with you....would security search your bag? According to the Yondr site, if you receive a call, you can step outside and take the call outside the zone, but couldn’t you then just take the case off and step back inside (surely,…

Yeah the only answer to that is along the lines of “Weird because I can’t make out your cock even in that incredibly tiny Speedo.”

More to the point, how the hell are her arms so long that when she crosses them, they sit at her waist? When I cross my arms, they’re perched over my tits. Are her arms freakishly (in a good way) long, or am I a T. Rex?

Brits.

I thought he was gay, in which case the not-kissing-girlfriends-in-public thing would make sense. The sudden shift with Taylor could be because his star is rising and he’s being considered for things like Bond?

Ugh.

Yeah...that really irritates me too, but sometimes works in my favour because students think they can cheat on exams (using technology) and I’m too old to know that they’ve done it. Joke’s on them!!

Even worse: British accent.

I believe that’s “de-stankified.”

Wait...what? You use your yoga pants for yoga? My entire wardrobe is yoga pants and I’ve never done yoga in my life. Before you judge: I live in the Pacific Northwest area of North America. It is our uniform.