Thank goodness for the photo assist, for a minute I was about to call Timber Ridge Nissan out by the airport and see if their sales team had been rent asunder by discord.

"In short, avoid hackneyed.." (everyone in room panics, throws chairs, smashes the projector and makes a group vow never to confirm their attendance at the conference)

I know a guy who can do some quick emergency construction work using nothing more than breadsticks and shellac.

This confirms it; Cleveland is in reality Melonville.

I too always root for the dog in the Aesop fable with the bone in his mouth that barks at himself reflected in the water (thereby losing both bones) and will naively reprint press releases from that dog's agent attempting to justify that decision.

They did have fancier, post-Lawnmower Man CGI available, but CEO Jeff Zucker was disgusted that the plane/black box was immediately found, thereby depriving CNN of months of speculation.

Arthur Blank was surprised when he called NFL offices and got immediate assistance pertaining to the penalty, as Home Depot owner that's not a business model he's familiar with.

Well at least I'll have something to show my kid when he asks for his first pair of skinny jeans to cause him to run screaming for Hammer pants.

C'mon he's got a whole medium-sized storage unit full of these babies, many of the boxes unopened since he his other plans were derailed back in 2007.

In case he ever cracks from the stress the Giants can save money by sending him to Eliza.

Strange, she's taken so little punishment in the octagon, she shouldn't be manifesting CTE or dementia pugilistica at this stage.

(nephew comes to family reunion in neck brace and head bandage) (is met by a suspendered uncle sitting at a desk at the front gate) "Hayes, what is it ya say... ya DO here?"

A modest proposal: any coach who weakly throws the red flag a la Martin Prince or George Will shall be laughed at by the officiating crew and his challenge ignored as if it had not been made.

(sniffs the Jets organization) Yep the scent of cod and hummus accidentally microwaved for 20 minutes. Clearly they've been tampered with.

"Wait a second, I thought this was a documentary about Thiesman's leg up until November 18, 1985. What's up with all these Vietnamese guys?"

I'm just hoping they make a movie about Terry Collins' decade in the wilderness after his own players voted to shitcan him; John Slattery, call your agent.

That Peter King interview title is misleading; I was fully expecting Goodell to be singing Unskinny Bop with CC Deville on acoustic guitar.

Have they thought of looking California? He's unlikely to be outshined there.

It's too bad Villanova is 100% Done-dee.

"This next segment brought to you by Subway, where you can eat fresh with a soggy chicken and tired lettuce foot-long for only $8, and by Remind-a-tron, the new scheduling app that lets you know when you've spent too much time on one job to the detriment of all others."