Don't laugh. She ended up becoming a stripper.

I would not give a actual fuck if this movie has no actual dialogue just give me alllll the fine ass men stripping and Channing popping his ass again .
PRAISE BILLITH

Idris Elba and it becomes the highest grossing movie of the year.

Magic Mike: Mike Harder.

I was really hoping for Magic Mike 2: Magicer Mike. Or a simple Magic Mike, Too!, but instead of Channing Tatum, it would star Jason Bateman as his cousin.

Correlation does not imply causation. Period.

Even that picture is boring!

I don't think I can be friends with people who chose caffeine over weed for this.

Should have stayed in hospital. They have better drugs there.

Alright, Jezebel, I'm developing a theory. First, you pick cheesecake. Then, you pick Corgi. Then, you pick Missionary. Grunge is an outlier, and probably only because it wasn't the 50s versus the 60s (do you even know what grunge is?).

Just be glad you didn't include "Love" as a drug option. Imagine where we'd be.

I tried out 16 illegal drugs for this bracket and have been drinking myself silly so that I could answer everything in good faith — and fucking coffee is going to take it!!! Unbelievable!

RIGHT?!

What is this, like a Mormon naughtiness bracket?

I know; I can't even deal with that. Especially since COCAINE is gone.

Caffeine isn't even fun!

Fucking seriously. I am calling Champagne vs Caffeine with Caffeine being the winner. Gah.

We sure did manage to get to the boringest final four possible, didn't we?

Oh my gods how is champagne winning? Do people really not appreciate vodka's versatility?

Wow it's actually going to come down to Caffeine vs. Champagne?? Could Jezebellers possibly make themselves look anymore like sadsack homebody cat ladies?