Yes! So it wasn’t a complete disaster I suppose...

We’ve got a lemon tree that had plenty of lemons on it a couple months ago. I let me kids go wild with making lemonade when we started sheltering in place in March, and these little shitbirds not only made a giant, sticky mess, but managed to go through like a half pound of sugar in an afternoon before I went to check…

What a profoundly bad take...

From another article I read about this:

I always liked Vince. And I’m pretty sure he was the last player in the league older than me.

Ahh...I somehow missed that.

Taking this job would mean a pay cut that would literally leave me homeless if I didn’t move to a cheaper area. Still worth it if you ask me...

It’s so fucking exhausting...

I always appreciated that they included cheerleaders. You can’t really have a patriotic celebration of gluttony and crass commercialism without objectifying a few women along the way...

Whenever my kids—who, let’s be real...are decidedly NOT normal—get to choose what we’re having for dinner, my youngest (8) always chooses lamb chops, sauteed brussels sprouts with pancetta, and quinoa. Oldest (10) chooses “seafood smorgasbord,” which is a dish we made up that is basically everything from the seafood…

I can’t remember the last time I drank bottled beer. A few years ago, it was the other way around, but now that pretty much every good brewery is canning (many exclusively so), I just can’t be bothered with bottles.

It only makes sense that the same guy who coined the term “priming the pump” a couple years ago also discovered Juneteenth. 

I really appreciate the fact that Trump only surrounds himself with the “best people,” and yet, to a person, whenever someone leaves the White House he talks about how worthless and stupid they were all along.

I have lived in places without both—and places without either—and while it would suck to go back to hand washing all my dishes, lack of a dishwasher wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me if I was looking for housing. I would never even consider a place without an in-unit washer and dryer.

I know whenever I’m recording an emotional video about how everyone hates me and is trying to poison me or otherwise fuck with my food because of my chosen profession I first have to mention how I have to pay in advance via a mobile app because if I don’t, all those people who hate will *checks notes* try to pay for…

If you want to BYOB, make sure your beverage of choice is between 24% and 70% Alcohol By Volume (ABV) or 48-140 proof. Beer and wines tend to meet this standard easily, but be careful with your hard liquors.

The correct ranking is:

When I first saw the Straight Outta Compton biopic, I remember thinking that the first 2 minutes of that movie were like the realest two minutes of a movie I could remember seeing

They were out during the summer and it was an exceptionally hot week with temperatures and humidity in the mid-90s, so in order to avoid the head and crowds, we did most of our site seeing at night on bike. It was about midnight and we had been riding around for a couple hours, so we sat down to rest near the…

I lived in DC for a couple years in the early 2000s when I was fresh out of college and worked for a media company on 15th between K and L streets. At one point my parents came out from California to visit me and they wanted to see where I worked, so I brought them to that part of the city. They spent a week in DC and…