D’Angelo Russell: [swipes right]

I’d criticize school staff for not seeing through the ruse, but in all fairness, nobody’s ever met a 30-year-old from South Sudan.

Lucky there was a tall guy to get the ball out of the rim. Otherwise, they’d have to borrow someone’s ball to knock it out.

“It takes 3 ingredients to make a cocktail, 2 is an emergency” *Peggy, Mad Men

You cynical fucks can go fuck yourselves, 60 points on 50 shots is literally the perfect ending to Kobe’s career.

Classic Robert Horry. Demoralizing people in the last 5 seconds of things he’s only moderately good at.

-1/2 star for taking the joke too far and for missing ‘involved’

A spokesman for ESPN says they’ve been flooded with calls from white people overjoyed to see a black man rooting for them.

The Spurs are just sitting there waiting for the next pick up game like the cagey 40something at the recreation center, adjusting his elbow pads and using a special solution to clean his sports goggles.

“Hello, friends! Which one of you wants to pull really hard on my necktie while I jerk myself off to completion?”

2—get back over here!!!

“I told you kid, ask Mr. Dolan for the refund.”

Young fella would’ve never seen the court in the fourth quarter if Byron Scott still coached New Orleans.

I hope this works. If the NFL can reduce kickoff returns by 5-10% then football will be a safe sport.

Nope, those are his readers.

i dunno, i detect a Flacco-esque level of eliteness in play here.

“That’s more like a 270.”

Interesting. If they keep trading everyone, they might end up with the most innovative no-huddle offense in the league.

Held the pizza sideways. Pizza’s ruined.