The court was not swayed by his lawyer’s claim that the person in the video was not A$AP Rocky, but was, in fact, A$AP Rocky Lobster.

A lot of economists are predicting an imminent recession, and that is why I do not believe that it will be coming very soon. This is not because the economists are incompetent (although some of them may be), but simply because they are predicting it, and people are preparing for it. These preparations will delay, or…

She poured one out for the home run that was lost

OK, but why do firefighters wear red suspenders?

In a boxing match, sure. But remember what Bruce said in the movie, “I would cripple him.” In a match with someone bigger and stronger, what’s the first thing you do? Take out the legs.

I remember when floppy disks were actually floppy!

This is so depressing, I am going to save it to a floppy for posterity. Does anyone have a hole-punch so I can make this one double-sided?

At the Amsterdam Olive Garden, you have to pasta Dutchy on the left hand side.

Well what did you expect in opera - a happy ending?

“our culture is set on proving men of power are perverse, but females with power are just as disgusting”

Wait, so when people stop being polite, they don’t actually get to be Real?

Moe always knew.

Guys, what if Left Shark wasn’t just screwing up her Super Bowl performance?

Just last week I fucked around and got a triple-double.

I used to work at a sign company that was housed in the old Burma-Shave factory in Minneapolis. The walls of one of the back rooms was completely covered in those signs. But they didn’t keep the groups of five signs together, so trying to read it was like reading some kind of dadaist poetry...

Big Flush? Hope it doesn’t turn into a Higgledy Piggledy

Nothing is more 2019 than the Saints siding with the sinners.

Love to write shitty Penthouse Forum letters about my sex life that also mention superfluously that I went to Harvard.

I don’t stand for the anthem anymore. At all.

If you’re upset about it, maybe you should be watching the flag, not me, dumbass.

You should have smacked her for talking during the anthem.