right?? If I gave up milk WHAT WOULD I DRINK WITH MY COOKIES

Counterpoint: Milk is delicious.

The 8 red velvet Oreos I just ate would like to VEHEMENTLY disagree with your analysis.

Excuse me, this ad came out just a few years ago.

Thank you for taking us along on this literal and symbolic journey with you. I hope that you can find some peace with your reflection that's lasting. And I hope that you achieve the goal of healthful living, whatever that means for the scale or your thighs.

I just tried to imagine waking up and seeing this first thing in the morning and I blacked out for 20 seconds

That dog is signaling HELP ME with all of its being.

And Trent was totes a dreamboat.

Man, can we get a care package going for that lonely goat stuck up there in Alaska? I mean, I know it probably wants its space to work through some demons that have been riding it for a while, but it's still gotta be lonesome and a no judgement tin can would be nice.

I just want a goat for companionship and lawn maintenance.

WHY WILL NONE OF THOSE TV PEOPLE THROW GEORGE THE BALL??

Agreed. I am generally anti-beard and prefer my men clean-shaven, but he is SO pretty that the beard roughens him up a little and works better.

Sexy Chupacabra is a great band name.

This is the love child of Seth Rogen and James Franco.

If I, a guy with perhaps the sweatiest goolies in living memory, can keep my legs together when there's more than a handful of people on the carriage, any man can.

Why the hell would I do that? I have a perfectly good cat.