Fuuuuuuuuk no.

I think it might be a slightly worse looking Q7.

It isn’t even nice

That’s a nice Touareg. 

The spicy mayo tweet. I am dead.

“I was told by AppleCare” is a national treasure of a burn.

“To milk an almond” killed me.

Uhhhh I’m sorry have you not listened to Life of Pablo? MBDTF? Yeezus?

Was going to side-eye this, but then realized...don’t most albums drop on a Tuesday or Wednesday?

Black Twitter is the best Twitter. I’ve got nothing to contribute myself, being extra-white, but I enjoy the genius thoroughly.

This is amazing. Given that TayTay exerts maniacal control over her image and brand, how in the hell did she convince herself that this was a good idea? Good god. She should stick to what she does best: dating B-list actors who need to boost their profiles so that they can land an acting gig in the next Ron Howard…

I’m old so the twitter confuses me, but I clearly need to start paying attention to black twitter. Those burns are quality.

Getting drunk in O’Hare sucks, but I’ll change that opinion if they’ve finally got more than 2 bars serving Anti-Hero.

Tampa is not a good city. They have like 9 skyscrapers tops and there seems to be a massage parlor on every block, but they have a Cigar City brewery/restaurant in their airport, so I love leaving the city.

This franchise is what you get after a Disney ride impregnates the Saints.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that Jameis Winston may not be the most genuine (or mature) fellow in the world.

The counterargument to your first paragraph is that every culture has stick-and-ball sports. I don’t think you necessarily need to have a baseball background to be capable of swinging a baseball bat. Just think of all the countries that play cricket.

I want to take everyone who votes “homer” and walk them from home plate to the outfield fence. IT’S SO FUCKING FAR.

“Now don’t get me wrong, there are very good people on both sides.”

“I think there is blame on both sides. You had a group on one side that was bad. You had a group on the other side that was also very violent. Nobody wants to say that. I’ll say it right now.” - Jerry Jones