Mugging victim: It was a hot dog sandwich.

As we said before, all the shuttlebuses are being used to take illegal immigrants to the polls for voting. We’re urging people to carpool to a metro rail location and —look this was all in the August newsletter.

It was the rarest of rare: a Dead Letter that was 100% correct and good

Maybe Theroux and Jon Hamm can have a schlong-off...or something.

I assumed Will made it into Dead Letters because he mentioned Drew as a chopped champion but failed to mention The Shirt or thumb dance. C’mon man, the opportunity was right there.

Beautiful. Truly beautiful. Will T, we salute you!

Naked; the official uniform of cocaine.

Cooler heads must prevail.

I assume a “full shift” is the name of some drink special I am not aware of.

Received an email this morning with instructions for eligible military retirees on how to go about getting a Retirement Certificate signed by a living President other than Trump.

I once had to explain to my mom what a blow job is.  You never get to an age that isn’t awkward.

But this seems 100% correct.

How the fuck do these people take the universal “OK” sign and make it about white power?

“I bought a donut and they gave me a receipt for the donut. I don’t need a receipt for the donut. I give you money and you give me the donut, end of transaction. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this. I can’t imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a donut.” - Mitch Hedberg

“I do a lot of…

Receipts don’t matter much with this administration. Woodward could come back with signed affidavit from God that proved Russian collusion and Trump’s supporters still wouldn’t budge.

He’s Bob fucking Woodward. If he put it in a book, he can defend it. This guy has gotten the inside scoop on every presidency since Nixon, and his books have a stamp of authenticity that nobody else can match.

Yellow Submarine has its moments. The proper comparison to Red Delicious is the Jeff Lynne Anthology  tracks with the “Threetles”

Unstarring because Yellow Submarine wasn’t that bad. (Also, my cats loved it!)

So your official position is that hoagies and hot dogs are both subsets of the taco, then?

I'm reading Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator to my kid right now. There's a long Oompa Loompa song about a kid who eats a jar full of chocolate covered laxatives. She has to go to the hospital to get her stomach pumped and then still needs to spend 6 hours a day on the toilet for the rest of her life.