Have you ever take an Ambien? Bc accurate tweet is accurate.

The question isn’t cake vs pie.

Cubbies still don’t understand an exposed dick should never be part of your mascot.

I call rigged. The only answer is maxi dress. I’ve re-taken the quiz three separate times, changing my answers each time, and the only thing it comes up with is maxi-dress. FOUL!

Leave Mandy Moore alone!

Perhaps I would feel more generous if not for the patronizing nickname of NORMIE.

That fake JL baby looks more like John Legend than the real baby JL.

Seemingly-reliable narrators that turn out to be EVIL THE WHOLE TIME are just as bad as cheaters.

I'm going to start drawing my lips from my forehead to my nipples and no one can stop me.

OMG YAAAAS YASSSSSSS TO EVERY IDIOT COMMENTER WHO KEPT SAYING SHE WAS JUST OVERLINING HER LIPS I AM SINGING DASHBOARD’S VINDICATED AND DANCING AROUND THIS AIRPORT TERMINAL ALSO I AM PROBABLY VERY DRUNK

HOW ABOUT “YES, BECAUSE HE IS TOTALLY MY TYPE?” WHY ARE YOU SEX-SHAMING ME, BOBBY?

God he’s so hot.

God bless Len Kasper.

His own son called him a fucking coward yet these guys want to sit there and tell us it is different.

FedEx Field might be the worst stadium in America. It’s big, ugly, there’s no amenities, and it’s impossible to get to. Plus by spending money there you have to support fucking Dan Snyder. HARD PASS.

The way I see it, far-right Christians are going to continue their crusade to make life unbearable for everyone who isn’t them, and insane anti-choice protocols are par for the course there. In the meantime, the more the Satanic Temple trolls them and probably gives a few of them aneurysms, the better.

If you add “in bed” to the end of each descriptor, it makes more sense. Like a fortune cookie.

Okay, raise your hand if you thought Dubya was going to get the blame when they saw the headline.