I used to be attracted to Jimmy Fallon.

TOYS FOR TARTS

And I would donate to that charity.

Heidi Creamer

Ahem.

*looks at article*

Well you know, even a stopped clock (made entirely out of shit) is right twice a day.

Hey you know every article doesn't have to be about Ferguson, right?

Milk it like this?

Because of Dave's story, I now know what the "H" stands for in Jesus' name. Thanks Dave!

Well a lot of women probably became moms after wearing stuff from Victoria's Secret.

If you're putting underpants on your tits you're doing it wrong.

Argh Victoria's Secret, their underpants are all designed to make you look like you have big tits but if you actually have big tits than they're just there to make you uncomfortable and jiggly while climbing stairs.

No, Victoria's Secret, trying to pretend that the preternaturally beautiful women who model your overpriced underwear are chosen for anything besides their beauty will not trick women into thinking Angels represent the "Average Mom".

I knew that, but I worked on a polio documentary.

Has this person simply not heard of Funfetti mix?

You know what they say, Pitches Love Vibrato.

Henry Cavill and Gina Carano broke up again, and there's a chance he's rebounding with a 21-year-old woman who hunts. Like, hunts animals. This is weird for many reasons, one of which is that Henry Cavill has been repping the animal lover/conservationist gig for a while, so dating someone who posts pictures of herself…

All I see when I look at those shorts is Colonel Sanders.