I am sure that Brazil will be happy to say goodbye to this Ruby Tuesday.

I know Brazil felt entitled to win this World Cup, seeing as they were hosts and all, but you can't always get what you want.

At some point NATO will intervene, right?

"Are you currently falling forever through space? No? Then the ground is doing its job."

I can't lie, my family and I used to eat at Taco Bell a lot when I was a kid. I must be getting old though because my stomach can't take their food anymore. If I'm gonna be fucked up for a whole day, it's gonna be off of some legit shit my mom or grandma made.

Hah. When I was in college, my freshman year roommate communicated mostly through Post-Its. One day, I got sick of her not taking out the trash so I left the trash can next to her bed in the hope that if it were in her space rather than mine she would do it (because I communicated through passive-aggression). …

Pro tip: if you have to put a but after "I'm pro-choice", you're probably not as pro-choice as you think. Now let me extract my eyeballs from the back of my head.