The NBA needs relegation more than MLS does.  Relegation doesn't seem to be a feature North American fans require

I took a friend to the DC United opener for their birthday because I knew they followed Manchester United and a tiny bit of research told me Wayne Rooney had played for them.

“ok now, 911 is only for emergencies”

I like to think I’m too young to be thr old man yelling at clouds, but I can’t see any of the appeal or motivation. Whether it’s this or eating a tide pod, you’re supposed to take video doing it and now you’re one of the cool kids? instead of a candidate for social excommunication?

Please provide an update when I am able to purchase these 400 at a time from Costco. My kids wouldn’t get Dinosaur shaped chicken if they weren’t packaged that way.

4- Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything for anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you’ve been, ever, for any reason, whatsoever.... use that plastic fake grass stuff.

I appreciate the link, especially since in my notifications it just showed up as “Nah.” without it being immediately obvious a link was waiting for me here.

You don’t see why would the players union would object?

Looking back, I realize I misattributed the initial objection; it came from Allison and was merely upheld by Kevin.  Still absurd though.

Hey Kevin, I think three of your picks are invalid because you didn’t specify what size Kitkat, 100 Grand, or Toblerone.

gotta read it out loud to maximize the effect. I spent the whole time typing it up being concerned about how well it would translate to text.

So this guy walks into a Rally’s and orders a chocolate ice cream cone. The employee says, “I’m sorry Sir, we’re out of chocolate. We only have vanilla and strawberry.”

How about“riced cauliflower”?

my ex accuses me of being “controlling” with our kids: I have the audacity to not allow them to stand/jump on furniture or run around in department stores. I’d argue that the parents of adults who think reaching into the garnish tray is acceptable should have been a little more “controlling” as well.

Keep your hands out of the garnish tray you savages.

Not-so-obligatory pedantics: Bran is semi-omniscient, not semi-omnipotent.

Rude Negro, you’ve been missed around these parts but I’m glad they let you serve as guest columnist. 

And of course, at the conclusion of the dueling bath products scene, with “stop looking at me Swan!” Sandler evokes the pre-Russian Revolution ballet ‘Swan Lake’ to comment on the terrible consequences of Marxism in Eastern Europe.

well I’m not going to hover to the bathroom...

not to mention two of them!