As a PA native, I think funnel cakes, Tastykakes, and whoopie pies (I know New Englanders claim they invented them, but whatevs) really help to cancel out the shame. And Opera Fudge, too. (That’s something really only known to people in and around Lebanon, PA, but trust me, it makes the world a better place.)

Tastykakes for me. As long as there are Tastykakes, I can’t feel complete shame over PA.

You guys have Quakers! I’m totally biased (Friend here), but they have done some cool stuff so maybe that could help?

My fella just landed his first office job after 20+ years in the restaurant business. Maybe one day, his rage will subside enough for him to read this column. Maybe he’ll even submit a few stories. Because holy shit, does he have stories.

(And I’ve never seen him happier than with this new job. He gets to sit! And he…

HOLLERING!!!!

““But it’s 10:55 pm, it’s like a race! We made it through the door on time!” HOST, this is where you need to say fuck no. In fact, if it’s after 10:45, say fuck no or else both FOH and BOH will want to kill you.”

WORD. All the stars to you! I don’t understand why the servers never tried to work with us or be understanding to where the hosts where coming from. Yes there are idiot hosts out there, but most of us are competent thinkers.

My current place allows us to announce last call for kitchen and everyone is expected to be out by close. Its awesome.

I worked in fine dining. Our Kitchen was open to 10pm. So we sat until 10pm. We were corporate so there really wasn’t any wiggle room. We were shopped frequently, plus catered to the type of high maintenance whiners who wouldn’t hesitate to shoot an angry email to management if displeased. Or wave loopholes in your…

Oh I would totally let them know we were closing. Closing and no dily dallying either. Put your order in and get out. Most were pretty cool about it, but once and while you would get that one entitled douche bag who insisted on getting the full fine dining experience.

Opentable doesn’t account for the actual movement of an average shift. The reservations book is configured to book specific tables at specific times with a two hour turnover rate. Which of course is not always the case. Nor does it really take in consideration that tables may be used for large parties or out of…

Disagree. Its not a matter of putting your foot down, its a matter of seeing it from the customer perspective. I hated seating people right before close. HATED IT. But my restaurant required us to. That’s my ass on the line if the server complains to management or on yelp. I would always try to deflect customers from…

And the reason why we’ll never have a shortage of restaurant customers who are the devil. Just because it says the table’s ready (or the bus should be there) doesn’t mean it will. Cussing out the host (or bus driver) will never work. (In the case of bus drivers, they will cuss your ass right back out.)

NOPE. Unless they specifically ask you for advice, do not give advice, ever, for any reason. If they’re shitty, welp, they’re shitty, but you telling them how to be better will not make them less shitty, it will only serve your own need for self-aggrandizement.

I was in a Starbucks yesterday and a gaggle of teenage girls, (I feel like gaggle isn’t right for teenage girls. A flock? A murder? A murder.) a murder of teenage girls came in behind me. As I finished my order, the barista (who was a treasure of a human being and recommended a kick-ass fruit sauce for baked brie)…

Man, I used to love to chug a glass of ice cold milk. I think I was in college by the time my gut started protesting.

I’m not the only one seeing that Yoko finally made sense in a tweet right?

During the cocktail hour, while the bridal party was having pictures taken, a second team of photographers had set up professional backdrop and took a picture of each of the guests. I then sent it to them, along with their thank-you card. They loved it- people don’t pose for formal pics much anymore, and since…

I am inveterate salad dressing hater, but have learned to like a few as an adult. I find, as long as there’s no mustard in it, I’m okay with vinaigrettes, and Caesar dressing, and a lot of Asian dressings (like soy-ginger). But most of the normal stuff — ranch, creamy Italian, Thousand Island — still grosses me out.…