“If I’m the one killing my classmates then at least I can control who’s going to die. If someone else does it then me and my friends might be the ones. I can at least make sure the victims deserve it.”

DO ANYTHING FUN OVER THE WEEKEND???

I generally just ask people where and what they ate because for me the food is generally the best part of any vacation. Also, for pure relaxation, staying home and doing nothing is the best vacation. I know not everyone can allow themselves to do nothing when they are in their own home, but I am NOT one of those…

I definitely think people try to do too much on vacations, or do a lot of stuff because they feel obligated to do it lest they “waste” the trip. But it’s perfectly fine to take a vacation with plenty of rest, where you chill out and just walk around and occasionally go do something interesting. 

To all the “Tiger is a bad guy” takes in these posts, I have some bad news for you about every fucking single other sports hero...

If you can’t afford to tip 20% then you can’t afford to eat out.

I guess to keep the math simple, I just move the decimal left one position and multiply by 2.

“I better use Tic-Tac just in case I start kiss her. You know I automatically attract to beautiful—I just start kiss them. It like magnet. Just kiss. I don’t wait even. And when you star, they let you do it. You can do anything.”

Joe Namath watches video, furiously scribbles notes.

You don’t will a nipple hair to grow. It just happens. Overnight. You go to sleep and there’s nothing, and the next evening you’re showering and there’s a 1/2 inch, thick, jet black hair poking out you boob.

Traumatic nipple hair moment: I have them. I thought everyone did? At a college job guys were talking about gross moments in sex and one guy was like “Oh once I slept with this girl who had nipple hairs!” and the other two guys were like “oh gross!” and made gagging noises. He said something like “So fucking gross”…

I can’t even read the entire article. This is so sick.

This development warms the cockles of my first-generation college student heart.

Trebek’s courage and grace is incredible.  If I were diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, I’d sell all my stuff, quit my job, go on a massive binge of every possible physical pleasure, and then check out with a bottle full of opioids.  

No sirree, I don’t want my government getting in between me and my healthcare. I’m perfectly happy with a private corporation that has a clear profit incentive to deny me coverage.  

Quelle surprise.

The semester I went for study abroad, I ended up living in a house with three Swedish models. Every cliche ensues-they are bitchy, they routinely backstab each other, they’re slobs, none of them are very bright. I am not very attractive and I am very academic-nerdy, and the whole semester unrolls like a terrible…

He’s really going to be in hot water if video surfaces in a year.

Look at the toll it’s already taking on the air traffic controllers:

Because we already look over our shoulder after every single NFL play. Anytime something good happens for my team my first thought is “I hope there were no flags.” Any time something bad happens I think “I hope there was a flag.” That’s on every single play already. You don’t know if something actually happened until…