I have indifferent health. If I hit 70—yes, 70--I am going to start drinking every day and eating nothing but pie. I am already tired of being careful about my diet and I am only 42.

I, too, was horrifically offended by Jillian “I can’t have a child because I would NEVER do that to my body” Michaels being the face of a supposedly accepting and inclusive fitness outlet. I wrote them a strongly worded letter.

I have a Bachelorette Party Playlist on my Spotify *right now* for my sister’s bachelorette shindig, no penises thank you, and it has NOT ONE of those songs on it. 

I once heard it said that ma’am is Southern for “you’re not hot anymore.”

It’s terrrrrrible.

Maybe they couldn’t fit a proper title, and they are not allowed to just put, “Happy Birthday, Bitch!” as I would to one of my friends?

I like ducks. We understand each other.

Kinda won’t let me upload photos or gifs anymore, but please imagine the Golden Girls sitting on the sofa laughing hysterically!

I get the concept of Jessica Biel’s venture, but I think it’s a little muddled. Mostly I wanted to remark on how beautiful the dress JB is wearing in that photo is. Look at that embroidery!

TWINSIES!

Oh, thank you for being so thoughtful, but I wasn’t offended or hurt in any way. I learned the term and liked it--much more expressive of the situation. Just wanted to share.

42 year old married lady with one three-year-old daughter here. Life rocks! My knees hurt sometimes, my shoulder is tricky and gravity is doing a number on my fat ass, but I am more self-actuated than I have ever been, and I assume that pattern will continue into what my older girlfriends call the “Fuck-it 50s” and I…

That makes you child-free, not “childless.”

I unironically love most shades of pink. My hair is all-over pink. It’s my eternal good taste, I guess!

Tangentially, that is how I learned I needed glasses. My mother was absolutely artfully neglectful.

Yeah, no. That piece on Markle is not “Sad Dad News.” It sounds like he is a complete horror show and the Duchess of Sussex is well shot of him. When you have a cancer, you don’t try to get along with it, you cut it out. If her father is a cancer in her life, she is right to have a fatherectomy.

Some women are like that. My mother, for one. A girl I went to high school with who introduced every guy she ever went out with as her “fiancé.” It was so weird—she was like 17 when she started doing this. One of my besties who I love dearly but treats every guy she dates like the last helicopter out of Hanoi...

Probably. That girl has NO chill.

I’m 42. I wore shorts in public today for the very first time since I was 17 years old. Honestly, I have a kid now and sometimes I cannot hide inside and have to take her out to do people things. Shorts became a matter of survival when she attended her first protest yesterday and shopped at a city-subsidized Farmer’s…

Although I DO have three engagement rings! I NEVER give jewelry back. It is known.