This should work, “this won’t work because the waitress is monogamous and currently in a committed relationship.” :-)

I am a Laura Jeanne Poon superfan, though.

Mm. Bring me all the black licorice and Ouzo.

If only that guy from work was Wiccan. Friggin’ gross.

Who is "from a poor country," also has a recording career, and had overnight success at age 19?

Also, her hair is a wig, no?

SHIT'S FUCKED

Momentarily abandoning my disdain for dachshunds to enjoy this.

I think you mean YASSS KWEEN. (Does anyone else have the Broad City app/keyboard? it rules)

The day I suck a man's dick for any other reason than because I goddamn felt like it is the day every single one of you needs to put a fucking bullet in my head.

Enough about the queen - what is that amazing lacy dress behind her? Is that some kind of fancy lady's maid outfit? It's so fun!

OMG STAPH I'M LAUGHING SO FUCKING HARD

Who's taking care of Jenelle's babies? Only the baddest bitch in North Carolina.

legit. don't waste your rhyming on that turd.

HOW IS BABBY FORMED?

True Life: I'm an Adult Teen.

Sometimes I feel like lies don't count as lies when the truth is nobody's business anyway.

I LOVE IT, UMA, FOLLOW YOUR HEART, REJECT THE TYRANNY OF MASCARA.

No other species has fully-formed sentience, either, which isn't a terribly good excuse to stop using our brains to get on their level. I fart on this article.

"Those of us at the live taping were shocked when he announced his resignation."