Titty twister is okay. "Twister" by itself sounds like some toothless, chromosomally deficient mobile home park inhabitant whose truck disappeared from the cinder blocks in the front yard when that there twister done snuck up on it. Make sure to use "it sounded like a freight train" when using the word "twister". It…

FFS! Stop using the word "twister"!

And it was, therefor, a witch?

"Of her crew of 1,196, 300 went down with the ship, while another 579 died in the water"

Does anyone have a spare icepick or two for my ears?

Does it blend?

The approved stuff is there for a reason beyond "it's cheap". Marine grade tissue breaks up more quickly in water and doesn't cause plumbing issues. Charmin does not break up as quickly. This is a problem.

"howlin' winds, pourin' rain, boomin' thunder and an ungodly amount of strikin'"

Do not use the word "twister". It makes you sound like you live in a trailer park. Next you'll tell us it sounded like a freight train.

Well, right now we're more in the business of 'liberating' things. We shall liberate the hell out of these planets.

It kind of was a horror movie.

This Is the Only April Fools Product We Wish Were Real

I'm just glad the bus driver demonstrated her ability to count aloud to the children. There's an educational opportunity in every natural disaster.

I believe it says consumer, so unless you're planning to consume that mattress, you don't want to remove the tag.

D. Gibbons is a bad man.

drive safely

I hope it's an entire *series* of tubes.

Fourth law: An almost fanatical devotion to our Pope.