Just a heads up, if you’re ever offered an “innovative financing solution”, you’re getting screwed somehow.

Most younger people aren’t going to pick up the phone and call for shit. Scares them for some reason.

I predict this will be adopted flawlessly by everyone.

Bloody Noodle Red Veins The Shapeshifter.

That’s not a “privileged rant”.

See, this is why motherfuckers can’t be trusted.

I’ve seen it done but that doesn’t mean I understand it. I don’t trust anyone else on the plane with me. Even if I’m legitimately sharing a seating section with you and you have every right to put your stuff in the same overhead bin as me, you start rummaging around in there, I’m keeping an eye on you. I can’t imagine…

My only recollection of a Sbarro pizza slice is that it somehow accomplished being both greasy and dry simultaneously. 

You know, I do actually resent the amount of space my toaster takes up relative to the joy it brings me. Now that I think about it, it’s like the in-law of countertop appliances. I am going to mother fuckin air fry some bread tomorrow and if it turns out as good as I hope, that toaster is getting kicked to the curb.

Just know that the mobile apps are not really there for your convenience. McDonalds has acknowledged in their quarterly reports that the overall average spend per person at their locations is roughly $8. But they also know from their data that the average spend per person among mobile app users is 35% higher than that …

This is ignoring that restaurant workers in North America depend on tips. Office workers obviously do not. Four ten hour shifts instead of five eights isn’t addressing that some days are better than others for earning tips.

So’s your mom.

Heard an old saying that goes don’t put all your apples in one basket, or something like that.

Looking at that last photo, I think the builder used an analog tire pressure gauge, looks off by about 1.5psi. Could be a problem.

Ah yes, the Magnetic Merge. That’s a big deal just north of you in Ontario too. Pulled instantly to the far left lane like there’s a magnet over there, even if you’re still at half highway speed.

“The vast majority of Russian people are very clearheaded and understand the dark gravity of the situation they’re in. And at the end of the day, they appreciate a good pizza.”

Holy shit, just gonna check and see if my neon baby blue Miami Vice suit still fits. I had no idea I wanted to roll around in one of these but goddam, here we are.

First of all, 2600 followers?? You’re not an influencer, gtfo. I have almost 900 followers and they’re mostly bots and unknown weirdos that Instagram’s algorithms sent my way (unsolicited) because the mathematics thought it might keep me engaged in the site. Plus, as everyone I’m sure knows, you can just pay for a…

Maintaining distancing and proper hygiene? Gross people gonna be gross whether we’re dealing with covid or ebola or whatever so good luck with the hygiene thing.

All I know is this would never happen to me because I’d instinctively hate anyone who would pull this sort of shit and I would never get invited in the first place.