You’re too kind.  I had a friend in a wheelchair who carried a brick for such occasions.

Three times total?

I don’t drive an EV, but I’d be OK with a law where each time anyone is caught rolling coal, they get a testicle surgically removed. 

And with the low cost of a tip, they should be able to afford tipping everywhere without issue. Otherwise they should possibly change their dining out behavior.

It’s not a question of too exorbitant. It’s paying a fair amount for the actual work performed. The actual work serving a table is 10 minutes, tops, and 99% of the time it doesn’t even involve bringing the food to the table. Someone else does that. That’s not really worth much of a tip.

Yes, because the patron felt it was not worth their time to do it themselves.

tip with a floor of 20%

Again, doesn’t absolve the customer. If they do not wish to participate in the social obligation then they should probably refrain from places that have tip jars.

The customer has no idea what the pay structure is for a given restaurant.

then simply offer the absolutely barest minimum of service you can muster

“Unforgivable”? So few fucking care.

By all measures, Musk is saving the world.

and end up catching shit because innards aren’t updated at the speed of light.

Yes. I have a ‘75 CJ5, and the only “electrical” things which work on it are the engine, alternator, and battery.