omg ... the local news just did a story about a bakery near me that makes DRUNKEN DONUTS ... that's a trio of donuts filled with 1) vodka-vanilla bean custard, 2) godiva chocolate liqueur, and 3) passion fruit and grand marnier jelly ... maybe there's a divine plan for the universe after all

once again, the bigots and haters interpret freedom of speech to apply only to them and not to those who respond to them ... what a bunch of pencil dicks!

andre is on my fantasy guest list for the dinner parties i'll be throwing if i ever fall into a coma ... it's a shame he died so young, though ... i would have liked to real-life fantasize about meeting him and, ideally, sharing a beer ... or, if the anecdotes are to be believed, 100 beers

definitely a cigarette-shaped one-hitter ... yeah, it'll make the giftee look like they have a dirty habit, but unless you're in sniffing distance, they look totally legal

baileys was my first thought, but kahlua seemed easier to rationalize for breakfast (yes, i am kidding myself) ... cheery heering would be yummy, too, and perfect for the holidays!

i lost all fear of andre the day that i learned that samuel beckett used to drive him to school when he was a little boy in france, because he was too big to fit on the school bus

yeah ... i went to a regular physical therapist ... the exercises were basically like those in this video, and they worked pretty instantly

jeez ... it sounds like you have a perfect grill ... i mean, a real one, not one of those freaky, bleached robot grills we see on teevee ... your dentist should be ashamed

gee, i'd like to know what percentage of high-adipose, adult women are wearing the body armor of childhood sexual abuse survivors who matured too early to have the skills to protect themselves ... the first thing i did after being raped as a menstruating but ignorant 11-year-old was put on about 70 pounds, going from…

i have dreamed of invisalining my hillbilly grill my whole, broke-ass life ... not because i want hollywood perfection, but because i'd like people's first impression of me not to be "omg, deliverance is real!"

omg, do donut shot glasses really exist!? wouldn't a shot of kahlua in a donut shot glass be the perfect breakfast on the go?

an enlarged face with a protruding jaw, enlarged nose, and thick lips are characteristic of acromegaly, a form of gigantism that usually strikes post-puberty ... andre "the giant" roussimoff had it and his appearance was pretty typical ... so, yeah, the jack giant looks like andre, but also a lot of other acromegaly…

uh, no ... animals cannot consent to sex with humans ... and even if they could, most live in subjugation to their would-be lovers and any consent would be the quality of a a child's or slave's ... still, even if one could meet a free, sexually-savvy donkey in a bar, there remains the issue of likely injury to the…

sorry white males, you've been vajazzled ... but rest assured, it's what's best for you, your children, your elderly parents, your military-aged nieces and nephews, and yes, each and every vagina in your life

this ignoramus is the perfect argument for affirmative action and the diverse environments it creates for rich, white students who might not otherwise interact with people of color and/or disadvantage ... you know, like the majority of the world's population

in retrospect, i was way more badass than i felt on the inside ... we had muscles like rocks

my dad was a hurricane jerk, though none of the above ... and i'm not even sure his kind exists any more ... but he used to take us kids body surfing the day after every hurricane, to toughen us up ... participation wasn't optional, and i remember being as young as 4, getting caught in the churning of waves 3x my…

i gotta say, it's a little weird that you are so focused upon being a victim of too little attention while others are in the throws of a major disaster with ramifications, not just for the individuals who lose loves ones, livelihoods or property, but for the rest of a country already reeling from economic woes

what?! now disaster preparedness and disaster concern are mutually exclusive?

are you aware that there is no individual quota for disaster concern? just because people die, lose their homes and jobs, or face natural disasters every day, somewhere on the planet, it doesn't mean that we have to parcel out our interest or concern ... heck, even if two disasters happen in one day, we can actually…