i assume that they even did away with the rise-to-the-top algorithm, because my comments always seem to be on top, with or without replies ... it's a shame, too, because it was good, in a pinch, to at least read the hot comments

this makes me want score a newborn, paint him and his stroller gray, and tell everyone his name is "han" and he's been suspended in carbonite ... ooh, and i'll wear a slave bikini and chain myself to the stroller

i thank you, truly ... because despite all my prickles and barnacles, i do write from my heart <3

ah ... and never the twain shall meet

even if my femininity is at stake, you'll have to pry "tank" out of my cold, dead, and rather mannish hands ... but i think i'll hot glue a little eyelet lace on his strap, so everyone will know that, behind that beefy lens and un-mascaraed lashes, lie the soul windows of a girl

great ... one more thing i can't be fem enough about!

exactly! if you go to a show and some comic, who for some mysterious reason wasn't on your comedy radar, starts making a series of jokes about lynching, and then an audience member of color gets up and says that lynching is never funny, and the comic responds with "wouldn't it be funny if a bunch of you lynched this…

um ... i don't laugh at rob schneider movies ... evidently, i'm not smart enough

please, feel free to take a red pen to all my comments ... they are absolutely riddled with typos and misplaced homophones!

don't worry ... i doubt anyone here mistook you for a progressive or a feminist ... i was talking about myself ... and we get it, you would never ever take the pain and suffering of your fellow human beings seriously ... a true moderate!

wow ... you would totally dig my rawanda set ... it's got black people ... women getting raped ... mass murder ... and i'm thinking about working in a gut-busting comparison to the holocaust

i bet stepford wives know how to fuck while barfing or having a headache ... victoria's secret really ought to start selling mind-control chips

yes, that would be oatmeal served over a sausage, well done

you know how black people can make jokes about black people, and they sound funny ... but then a white guy makes the same joke, and it just sounds racist?

actually, gallup is an evolutionary psychologist who specializes in the study of reproductive competition and the biology of interpersonal attraction ... his published papers have covered such topics as semen chemistry, paternal assurance tactics, rape avoidance strategies, and romantic kissing ... no papers on…

the real trick is getting a guy to give you a sperm treatment while you are hurling your guts out ... 'cause nothing, in my experience, throws cold water on an early morning woodie like the smell of vomit

ah, yes ... she was asking for it

wouldn't it be really funny if daniel tosh had a daughter whom he really, really loved and wanted to protect, and she went to a show, and the comic on stage invited men in the audience to picture her getting gang raped, right there, in front of them ... and then everybody laughed?

i think that my rotation of rubber flipflops & galoshes says that i don't give a crap what i look like, and i tend to get my feet wet

hang in there ... i didn't take the babysitter plunge until my daughter was 3 and, i figured, verbal enough to squeal on any shenanigans ... and her attitude was "yay! playdate! now, mom & dad, get your asses outta here!"