Book if Henry is only the second worst movie of the year, after the pile of human feces that was Baywatch.

Hell, Geostorm might not even be the worst movie THIS WEEKEND.

Geo Metro is way better than Geo Storm. Got 50 miles to the gallon and drove great if you never went faster than 65.

I remember one time on the interstate my friend hit like 75-80 mph in his Geo Metro (which I believe is where the odometer ended), it felt like we were leaving the ground in a rickety space ship.

*cough* Book of Henry *cough*

They’re easy to push when they break down too. It made me feel like Lou Ferrigno.

Or better yet: a cannibal ghost! First he scares you to death, then he eats your ghost!

Even better: the ghost of a vampire!

Killed fewer commenters.

*cough*

To quote Sarah Silverman: “They named it 300 because that’s how gay it is on a scale from one to ten.”

Or if he was a ghost the whole time.

Look, I’m not saying you’re wrong, but my Geo Storm was constantly in the shop, got CRAP gas mileage, toppled skyscrapers in Asia, and the seats wouldn’t even recline. 0/10 would not Geo Storm again.

To quote Doug Benson, “300 minus 300 is the number of good movies Gerard Butler has done since 300.”

This movie would be a lot better if Gerard Butler’s character was a vampire.

Gerard Butler is like the male Kate Hudson, if he’s in a live-action film, give it as wide a berth as possible (Almost Famous is the exception that proves the rule for Hudson, god knows what it is for Butler. Coriolanus, maybe).

....and only for that weekend, with a sharp dropoff the next weekend and it’s out of the multiplex long before Star Wars: Mark Hamill is Your Raggedy Monk Santa Claus shows up to blow the doors off the place.

I don’t know how many execs this had to go through for approval, but one is way too many.

Some might call it fore-storming

The result is a series of what can only be called pre-geostorms