Many moved on to live happy, healthy and productive lives

My cat, who once opened a microwave oven while the popcorn was popping, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once destroyed a floor-to-ceiling lamp with her butt, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once fell off a bookshelf at 3 AM only to land butt-first on my face (catass…

For some reason I kept reading “Ferrari Guy” as “Guy Fieri.”

This is genuinely hilarious and much needed right now. I get married this coming Saturday and the beautiful outdoors reception I’ve planned for a year has to suddenly change because the weather is going to be about 98F — over 20 degrees hotter than it usually is this time of year in my town. I’m a little freaking out,…

Road trip to South Carolina to fucking shimmy up that flag pole to shit on that fucking flag and then fucking burn it and then fucking throw it in that dumb fucking Governor’s face.

OF COURSE he was taken alive. Guy guns down 9 people in a church, but he is white so he isn't too dangerous to take alive.

Those are the dumbest and grossest lyrics I’ve ever heard in my life. And uh... 2 years ago?? I WANNA SEE THE RECEIPTS!

Lifetime NPR listener here, and not a Kardashian fan, but the interview was seriously NBD. She was pretty charming, actually. When I read all the comments on NPR’s Facebook page I was pretty appalled. WWDTM has interviews like this all the time with celebrities of the moment.

Madge be tryin’ too hard.

I feel like if Trump’s hair was actually a cat, I would like him more.

I hate that I know this, but he asked them to stop talking about him in public.

Always nice to see families getting along and not airing their dirty laundry in public.

“May science invent a mysterious and delicious green juice to keep you tan forever”

Did she have any wishes for herself that weren't related to her appearance? :/ #clearlyahater

she didn’t even bother addressing Future Kanye... because he is the future or is he too present to be past so must be super future. someone pls help

I was hoping more for “Dear Future Me, Haha! You’re old! Signed, Past Me”

I see myself as transcorporeal. This physical form is just an affectation of biological circumstance. I really identify as a ghost.

YES. GOD LET IT BE SO. MAMA WANTS HER PHAT PANTS BACK.