Yeah, we had this conversation yesterday. Your "easy joke" is tired, gross, and annoying. It's really bizarre.

Looked at this really quickly and though Kris was in a Snuggie.

Oooph, I know that celebrities have it realllllllllly good in life, but I still can't help but feel a little bad for Kris and Kanye that people think it's ok to walk right up to them and take a photo of them WHILE THEY'RE SLEEPING and the photo is published like it's news.

If you can't trust a squirrel to pick up tomatoes, how could you trust them to use a swing?

Look, aren't we jumping to conclusions here? Isn't it possible that some considerate student wanted to give some squirrels a nice rope swing?

No, he had a valid point in that most people do indeed generalize their personal experiences to the world at large.

One time I spilled an entire thing of red pepper aioli down the front of a mostly-white (non-wedding) dress. I got home and since it was a dress I couldn't easily get out of by myself, tried to fix myself a vodka tonic to relax. I then spilled that whole thing down the front of my dress.

I haven't seen him murder something that bad since he and Razzle decided to go to the liquor store.

This is literally the closest you will ever come to achieving something.

When I was a teenager I visited SF and thought it was coolest, queerest, best city ever. I always considered moving there until I visited this last year. What the hell happened there? Everything I hear about coming out of the Bay Area is godawful, and I live in its almost equally awful tech twin city, Seattle. Without…

what is save the date anyways??? wait for invitation to come in 2 years for our wedding???

Sorry. I'm busy that day.

Not me, but my cousin: She wanted to take romantic outdoor pictures underneath a tree. You can probably guess where this is going... we hear a "pitpitpitpit" and wonder "is it about to rain?" for all of two seconds before realizing that definitely was NOT rain. A whole flock of birds emptied their bowels on her…

Not impressed. Seems like her best talent is still starting "beefs" with people and generally being horrible and homophobic.

During my first week of law school, the woman sitting next to me in the lecture hall turned to me, white as a ghost and said, “You’re a nurse, right? You have to help me. My left boob just exploded.” We both managed to exit the lecture hall without making a total scene. Turns out she had saline implants that were…

Yes, this story is the icing of my entire week. NOTHING I hear between now and Saturday night will top this. So many delightful mental images I'm thinking. So many questions I wish could be answered. This is just... it's just the very best.

SHA-mon

THIS IS THE ONLY THING I CARE ABOUT ANY MORE, SORRY EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD.

I read the 'tee hee hee,' of course, as a falsetto TEE-heehee. Followed by a crotch grab.