When you're a retired cleanup batter, the R in RBI means Rapes!

Calories in, calories out bro.

Ya know, about the thighs rubbing together thing. I didn't even realize Thigh Gap was a goal until I started hanging out with white girls in college. Like, even at my most fit and thinnest, my thighs were thunderous and I was okay with that. They did manage to destroy jeans and still do. Out of the whole "body flaws"…

Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins. 100%

Gael Garcia Bernal and a clone of Gael Garcia Bernal.

Alexander Skarsgard and Kellan Lutz. And David Beckham. All three of them. Together. Hubba hubba.

Emotionless and unsympathetic equals instant break up? Yes. Immediate. Those are terrible qualities.

I really enjoyed the child singing Barry Manillow. You can tell he's really feeling it.

I hope they can work in a way for Jackee Harry to swing by for a cameo just so she can say "Mary..." in her inimitable way. That would make my decade.

All three of those comments come from the same man. Here's how I'd translate them:

They used to film that at my job. I was heavily pregnant and walked into Peter Capaldi's shot when I was going to the lift. I immediately thought he would go all Malcolm Tucker on me and cuss the baby out of me. (He was charming as anything!)

But have you considered that a "limited vocabulary or education" might not actually play into whether or not someone's arguments are valid?

Christ on a pogo-stick, you're a tiresome fuck.

Nah, only using the same words the same way without any imagination is indicative of a lack of imagination or just laziness. You can get really imaginative with blue language, and it can be damn fun.

Yep. We don't need civil discourse everywhere. If you are making a good argument, you are still right even if you use colorful language. If you just want to say someone's a shithead, there's a place for that. Sometimes it's deeply satisfying to know someone is an unreachable abyss and hurl dicks down it.

I don't have a small vocabulary. I have a large vocabulary. I know all the normal words and all the swear words.

I just loved Catching Fire SO MUCH that I'm terrified the movie won't do it justice. TERRIFIED.

My breasts totally forget to flip the switch on my fancy power strip, so the entertainment system draws standby power when not in use. They're vampire electronic enablers!

My breasts had the nerve to come in howling drunk at 3am this morning. I tried taking their lingerie privileges away but they sassed me and said "I'll freebreast it, whatevs" like it was no big deal. I'm looking into breastbootcamps as punishment, now.

Talking about abuse being directly causative also ends up re-victimizing their own victims, who end up being treated like ticking time bombs. It's super isolating, because victims of abuse genuinely CAN'T trust some people to talk about their abuse to. Imagine being raped as a kid, only to be treated like a…