From sleeping on his teammates couch to $28M contract. $10M after tax and agent fee? Asian Harvard Economics grad? I'm buying this guy!

The Olympics Field Guide projects this guy to take Silver in Flopping. Vlade Divac couldn't qualify because he flopped the other day on the uneven bars and landed on his nose. Because he has a big nose. And he flops a lot. And he's foreign. And he's scared of predator drones.

You had me at the fantastic Krang/butthole visual. Excellent.

Hey DUAN!

Ha! I've been here for a few months now, and if it weren't for the Hard Rock Casino, I would have visited them all.

I can't decide if I want to go to the Tampa strip clubs tonight to see awesome strippers, or to see the Yankees fund some poor girls college education.

I guess carrying your weight running and carrying your weight swimming is different. Either way, I completely targeted swimmer chicks because they were fit, had nice legs, and tight buns.

"There's nothing wrong with getting some cheap seats, and supporting your gay."

/throws noose over rafters, kicks stool out from underneath.

More.

I swam, and all the really good year-around female swimmers were jacked. They are definitely not your average proportional muscular female athlete. They carry all muscle in the shoulders and back. Take a look at the lat spread of some of those olympic swimmer chicks and you'll see the type of meat/muscle they can…

They kicked the shit out of me and stole it,

haha!

I laughed heartily.

Absolutely. But thanks.

I heard it on the radio this morning, so not too credible, but after the 40th porn star to follow me, I began to suspect it's true.

Dear Deaspin,

I heard today that 40% of followers are actually spam. You can't be too safe!

*WHOOMP* *WHOMP* *SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEErererererererererereeeee*

You have spawned quite the pun thread.