I’m waiting for the inevitable Lifetime movie, “Murder, He Squawked”.

Way to try and help, Birdie. My dog would probably just chew on me.

I’ll add this to the list of reasons I don’t make healthy smoothies anymore.

Do you remember that story of the little old lady who bought some bananas and came home and a bunch of deadly Brazilian banana spiders spewed out and she called the British version of the CDC and they literally said “burn it with fire.” I would maybe do that.

DYING from happiness. Also this GRAPHIC kitchen nightmare that happened earlier.

So I just bought ‘Eat Pray Love’, after two unrelated people at different points of the same day recommend it. (I thought it must be some kind of cosmic message or something *shrug*)

It’s not actually understandable. If my kid raped someone I would not be on their side. I would be angry and devastated and sure I’d fucked up majorly.

I don't see it as understandable at all. Unless you place no value on women or see them as less than human. In which case, this is probably where the kid gets it from.

Good parents know when to tell their children, “NO”.

No problem with him being on his kid’s side. Kind of a huge problem with him ISSUING A STATEMENT when his kid just got a criminally lenient sentence. Just shut the fuck up, let your kid serve his six months, and be grateful the world still revolves around privileged white guys.

My parents love me. They will love me no matter what. They would come visit me in jail. They would not defend me raping somebody.

I’m just glad we can finally focus on the real victim, his dad’s stash of pretzels.

Was coming here to say the same thing. Seriously, he’s talking about how his poor, precious pumpkin won’t ever enjoy steak again?

So by his logic, can I get off scott free if it only takes me 10 minutes (or less) to beat the ever loving shit out of this motherfucker and/or his son?

There are, of course, people who are forever judged by 4 seconds of their lives. 20 minutes is time enough to enjoy a sitcom, a quick meal, a short walking of a dog, a shower, a bombing, an earthquake, a nap... 20 minutes is more than enough to be both influential and insignificant. 20 years can go to rot in 4…

This makes me so angry I can barely breathe. Hey Shitbag! This is 1/1000th of what it’s like to live with being raped EXCEPT YOU FUCKING DID IT.

Great. Now rapists can claim, with precedence, that if they’re premature ejaculators, they deserve less prison time because it was so short and no one had a satisfactory orgasm.

On behalf of everyone: See WHAT above?

raping, not having sex with

I do like a Chicago dog sometimes.