Aww, she is adorable! I’m glad it worked out for you in the end. I’m sure it will for me too, whatever happens, just gotta get there! And as you say, either way I’ll have a little cutie pie in six months’ time, and that’s pretty awesome.

I really think you’re on to something with this, although I did bring that up in a very similar way to what you described a while back, earlier in the pregnancy. He sort of got offended that I would suggest he’s scared of becoming a parent, but I wonder how much of that was just the gentleman protesting too much. I…

Thank you! I like this idea.

It’s true. Hell, I hardly know any non-partnered grad students who aren’t in therapy. It’s something I’ve considered for myself for a while but have never taken the plunge, so it seems like there’s no time like the present.

Yeah, I think we will have to see somebody who can mediate and unpack this BS because it’s not happening one on one.

Neither of us is in therapy right now, but I think that’s where we have to be headed otherwise I don’t think our marriage will make it to be honest. He refuses to even understand my anxiety about waiting for test results because “it’s out of our hands, we can’t do anything about it if there’s anything wrong with the…

That’s totally how it feels—that he thinks I’m shirking responsibility, when in reality I’m dealing with fatigue and headaches and all that great stuff. I’m sorry that you went through the same thing, it’s incredibly draining.

I think you are (or should be) my spirit animal! All of what you said sounds incredibly reasonable, and I will most certainly be giving it a shot.

It’s certainly worth a try. I do wonder if it’s not something other than what he’s saying on the surface, as you mentioned. If it is, maybe that would be easier to access when it’s not in the heat of the moment.

I honestly think this is the best option, because he and I are very clearly not solving this or any other underlying issues on our own. I think I’ll look into some marriage therapists in our area (that aren’t religion-based, as neither of us is religious) and see if he’s willing to do that.

You’re right. These things do start out as arguments—today, for example, we were both frustrated about money and were at odds about how to fix it, but yes—his tactic of “ending” an argument with an accusation like that is not how adults argue. And I know that if I were to say “Fine, I’ll quit my grad program and end…

Thanks, and hugs back! It’s so easy to gaslight ourselves even when others aren’t doing it for us, so it’s helpful to get some validation. :-)

Thanks, internet pal! Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m letting things get to me more than normal because of pregnancy hormones (I cried the other day at a video of a little girl singing with Moana), so it helps to get some outside perspective.

I really don’t think he’s cheating (thankfully), and as far as I know he loves his job, but who knows—maybe something is bothering him at work and he’s projecting it onto other things, i.e. me and our home life. It’s our first pregnancy/child, so I totally get that it’s a learning experience for him too. He doesn’t…

Yeah, if it’s something else, I really wish he’d just say what’s going on so that we could try to work through it rather than have these nearly identical arguments all the time. We both agreed that I would work part time until my PhD was earned, and then I would look for a full time position, so for him to be backing…

Are you seriously using MELANIA TRUMP as a proxy for all white women? Really? And do you really think that all or even most white women outside of movies and reality TV have as their life’s goal to marry a “starter husband” and then divorce him for some giant alimony payout? Where do you live that this is considered…

Warning: whining ahead.

Of course not. Everyone knows you get it at Target, duh.

He’s trolling everyone’s threads. Ignore his dumb ass.

Same. I recently googled “street price of weed in Miami” because I was watching War Dogs and thought that it seemed like they were charging Jonah Hill’s character too much for an ounce, but it’s not like anyone would know that if they looked just at my search history.