Pauly Shore uses his one talent - being annoying - to wear Lucas down: "Hey, buddy! Hey, buuuuuuu-ddy! The Weasel could use some mad coinage about right now, so how's abouts you give me a righteous role as a Space Dude in the new "Star Wars" film. I'll be like, 'Whoa, Luke Skywalker…check out the cones on Princess…

It was far less offensive to me than the shithead who apparently thought it would be funny to carve "SKATE PUNK" into one of the bunks in the prisoners' barracks.

"Um, we're just visiting from Wisconsin…you have a great country: beautiful, everyone's been great…and the concierge at our hotel asked us if we wanted to be on a game show…so we thought we'd be in the audience of a game show…um, does anybody speak English here?"

When I visited Auschwitz, they actually had a little hamburger stand right outside the gates. I guess even when visiting a concentration camp, you can still stuff your face.

You can also find it in a room without a roof….or also in the troof.

Considering the size of most of the Goths I see nowadays, they probably keep a fair amount of XXLs around.

See, black burgers drive a car like this…

I think the first Nightmare is overrated simply because it's the movie that gave us Freddy for the first time. The characters are all so bland that the only one who sticks out is the moronic Rod, Craven's idea of a "rebel teen" who likes to say things like, "Hey, Tina, this morning I woke up with a boner that had…

"You know, Beavis, I'll bet this guy sucks so much that his parents kicked him out of the house."

Same as when Oliver invented a "pigmentizer" ray and planned to travel to apartheid South Africa by hot air balloon and turn the prime minister black.

"I wish Grandma had a fax machine so I could send her this picture I drew right now!"

That's a major part of why I can't call myself a horror fan…few horror screenwriters, it seems, have ever been around real people before. Every adult character is an authoritarian loudmouth jerk (who usually drinks or has some other bad habit that makes him/her a hypocrite), every teen other than the Last Girl is…

Didn't that originate with "Friday the 13th Part III" with the fat guy who wants to be an actor or makeup artist?

I WUV YOU!

O beautiful babes from Medieval England
For who we have traveled far and wide
Will you go to the prom with us in San Dimas?
We will have a most excellent time!

I wish I had a brand new car
But so far
All I got's this hatchback
And everywhere I go
Yo, I gets laughed at

Me too. I'm about to start fourth season of Mad Men and I like that they cast an actress who's not unattractive, but is decidely plain and non-glamorous. I find myself more attracted to her personality than her looks, which allows me to pretend I'm not a superficial shit who wouldn't be staring at Joan Holloway the…

I heard that one movie where she had her hair dyed dark brunette and she wore that pretty blue top on the poster and she had that grandma who liked smoking pot was a half-way-decent movie.

So in addition to teaching Ben-Hur about chariot racing, he also shows him how to "get down" to old-school songs like "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" and "Respect"?

I was thinking about his militant brother who had ants in his bedroom, and then Regina King beat the shit out of him after Cuba got hurt in the big game.