Now I need the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead type version of this movie where everything is retold from Yoda’s POV, and he’s just giggling and shit talking Luke and Rey the whole time. And also egging on the Anakin and Obi Wan Force Ghosts to fight again.

At least it wasn’t Hayden Christensen *shudder*

You say “obnoxious”, some shitstains say it’s “Modern Day Presidential”

The Marvel Universe is getting weird.

Few things are as revolting as Mitch McConnell’s smile.

These are the same fuckers who already hate Starbucks for their liberal sinful ways, yet still get their parties in a wad when this godless company doesn’t put a full nativity scene on their cups or say Merry Christmas.

All this time I’ve been calling him Crandall!!

For all the talk about how the side movies could tackle different genres, now I really really want the dark quasi-autobiographical musical of the Cantina Band. Complete with Max Rebo popping pills and staring at himself in the mirror saying “It’s showtime!” while giving jazz hands... ‘scuse me, jizz hands

Broderick did a fine job, but now I am deeply saddened that we will never hear Waylon Jennings narrating this.  

Gremlins Live. Please take my money, Fox execs.

That’s a weird choice for sure, but even worse is how every one of these now have to show behind the scenes footage whenever they throw to a commercial. It’s like watching a movie for the first time and it paused every 5 minutes to show us every green screen shot. Come on, let us try to get lost in the story somewhat.…

Oh yeah, I forgot he was also a Republican schmuck who likes to pull the “I also enjoy pop culture and Simpsons and other neat-0 stuff like other human beings do. Humans of which I certainly am, too, and not some soulless corporate shill.” And yet also happily jump on the “Hollywood folk are such idiots, amirite??” …

Get a tattoo of whoever you want, just don’t let them do the horrible chiclet teeth. Ugh. It’s like that awful Lucy statue

I feel the same way when people include Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” on Christmas playlists. Those people are monsters.

The rocks seemed a solid pick for Eric at first, but then a crusty old jizz sock came in and really nailed the audition with its uncanny similarity to him

Yeah, the original agreement between Universal and Marvel (which still stands after the Marvel purchase) has language to the effect that they exclusively have theme park rights to Marvel anywhere east of the Mississippi as long as the rides stay open in Universal Florida. That’s why they changed the Disneyland Tower…

Exactly. He’s trying to distance himself from this mess, but he’s over a year late for that.

Does it count as autoerotic asphyxiation if he accidentally chokes on a Big Mac while masturbating to Fox and Friends?

*A confused Paul Hogan wonders why he’s getting so many angry letters addressed to the Speaker of the House*

God I hope not for your sake because it’s so good. And, uh, also for the hypothetical girls in your scenario of course. But really, I saw Mulaney in October and goddamn it was good. He went for almost 90 minutes and was non stop hysterical. It was in Orlando so he riffed for the first 20 minutes just taking the piss…