Every time that damn J'adore commercial comes on I drop my kid or whatever I'm holding and just stand there in awe. She has that old hollywood thing going on. Simple. Or maybe it's the ambien talking.

Girl in yellow is barking up two wrong trees right there.

Does the fur cost extra?

"BAD NEWS, TURTLE. You got here just in time for Corinthians."

I just need to know why, out of that entire list, "Donkey" is the one capitalized?

Something old, something new...oozing mucous, puddles of goo...

And the turtle pooping out slimy eggs is still less gross than the new design for the Ninja Turtles by Michael Bay.

An omen: You will have many children, but most of them will not survive.

I am unacquainted with French Montana so every time I read about Khloe and this new boyfriend, my mind defaults to French Stewart, and I think "Isn't that cute."

In fairness, the Anne books have always been peppered with other people's stories - especially the later ones. Anne of Windy Poplars on deals a ton with Anne meeting a lot of other people and scenarios and couples. Pretty much once Anne's romance was settled and she and Gilbert were engaged, LMM kept funnelling…

Really? You're slut shaming the waitresses because of where they work? They put up with enough shit from their customers and the company without anyone else adding to it.

I see a handful of people claiming that the photo in question is from a porn. I'm not going to do the research to find out if that is accurate. However, I doubt that the caption is from said porn. Additionally, even if this is a porn actress, this does not automatically indicate she (or anyone else) was "asking for…

Is "Our Facebook/Twitter/Whatever has been compromised" the new "but it was a psychological experiment" excuse? It's not like any of us believe either.

This is Howie DeWitt!

I was once fired from a cashier job for never having a discrepancy on my cash count. They said I _MUST_ have been stealing.

To stave off road rage, I often sing obscenities at terrible drivers to the tune of famous classical music. For example, Handel's Halleluja Chorus is transformed to "Yoooooou're an asshole! Yoooooooou're an asshole! You'reanasshole...you'reanasshole...you're such an asshole!"

Wish I had a copy of the epic email I got fired with back in 2002. Company had been using our soda machine to fund the company picnic all year (scam) and they wouldn't let me bring my new puppy to the picnic.

As the person who sang "this is how we brew it" when I made tea last week, I'm passing no judgement.

This person needs to quit his or her job and come work with me. I am (essentially) a professional ass-wiper and I have a cavalcade of ass-wiping ditties. The greatest hits are "Tangled Up In Poo," "Oh Danny boy, the wipes the wipes are calling" (when the wipee is named Danny), and the holiday classic "Let's Wipe Your…

This is like the only post ever where this would be an appropriate comment.