"Okay, dude. You're not my nemesis. My nemesis... is Captain Hammer. Captain Hammer, Corporate Tool. "

Yup. I didn't know. I only care so much as it means my fantasy of marrying him will be a little bit more of a fantasy.

The law helps, but it's no guarantee: see the Dontre Hamilton case.

I do get super annoyed over soda v. pop, but I know it's irrational of me. "Pop" is just silly. I learned how to say "water fountain" when I moved out of state so people wouldn't look at me weird, but now that I'm back I really want one of these:

$228 for swimsuit????? Hells no.

Bubblers > Water fountains

Who Wore It Best: Badass Politician Edition

After CPAC, you earned this.

I got an Implanon and gained 30ish pounds within 6 months. Switched it out for Mirena, so that I'd only have hormones swimming around my uterus, not my entire body. Although I will say the implanon didn't bug me at all; Mirena can sometimes bring on the cramps.

She did offer. I said, "Maybe later." An then later, I asked before just grabbing. Sheesh.

I was at a coffeeshop with a friend the other day, and she ordered a giant chocolate-covered rice krispie square. I asked if I could have a piece, and knowing I try (and fail) to avoid gluten the following conversation happens:

A social worker I know told me that when scheduling an upcoming appointment on St. Patrick's day, her client quipped that he'd bring her an Irish coffee. She replied that probably wouldn't be appropriate because of the whiskey, and his reply was "Whiskey? That's what makes an Irish coffee? I thought it just meant…

"there isn't too much that's different between the world of weddings and the world of infectious diseases"

I hope the judge ended his decision with "*mic drop*"

I was torn between wanting to avoid him and loving Taraji P. Henson. She won out.

likely 2016 Presidential candidate Scott Walker of Wisconsin

Nope. It was Jezebel that sent me here. You'll just have to deal.

You came close to owing me a new keyboard. Managed to swallow my afternoon coffee before having a good laugh. Thanks.

My parents and went for a drink at the restaurant where my sister was bartending, and over the course of the night my dad let it slip that when at restaurants, he only tips on the food portion of the meal, not the drink. All three of us were horrified and made him immediately swear that from now on, he would tip based…

I went on a date a few weeks ago and every time the server came up to us, I was in the middle of some rambling story, so I'd just be chattering away as my date would turn to her to thank her for whatever. I started getting worried I must look super rude for ignoring her, so from then on whenever she came over I made a…