But are they Japanese or western cats?

For reals. I’m pretty sure the only reason I didn’t even make it to the NBA is because I fucked Beatrice Kardashian. What was I thinking?

I don’t think that’s the case here. Last Saturday I was skiing Cochran Ski Area in Vermont, and all of a sudden I was in some desert crashing into a fucking kangaroo. For some reason, slope wormholes a real bitch this year. 

It’s got to be... bigotry.

I just assumed it was the name of the first panda to ever race a Top Fuel dragster.

What’s really tragic is that he didn’t skate to this version.

It would be about as hard as flying Wonder Woman’s jet, although you’d look less ridiculous from the outside.

The problem with this video is that they keep showing the butterfly and it’s gorgeous and amazing, then they show they show the car and it’s blue. A nice blue, but not “recreated the butterfly” blue.

I want my entire interior in Vantablack for that perfect glare free experience. OK, maybe just the dashboard and the trim around the windows.

I use the exact same credit cards as my wife (a nice white lady), and she has never in her entire life been asked to show ID, whereas I do get asked fairly often. Of course, when I’m with her and paying, I’ve never been asked, presumably because I have the white person seal of approval.

I’m hoping they bring back on deck circle to batter’s box carts. 

Nope. There are only two things I believe in. No room for Honda.

The Gary Jules version lacks amazing shadow dancing. I swear, I could watch that part of the video all day long. Not because it’s particularly good, but because it nestles in comfortably into the “inexplicably, disturbingly fascinating” zone.

They’re just asking for slap fights.

I somewhat disagree with the premise of this article, but I could live with it. That is, until the toilet paper portion. Now you’ve veered into “what you talkin’ bout Willis” territory, and I hope the author chokes to death on a roll of Scott® tissue.

If there’s one trade I know, it’s big win, celebratory, pole climbing. I was so good at it that cities now hire me for my insights into big win, celebratory, pole climbing prevention. Not Philly. And let me tell you folks, they have not greased their poles correctly. For this to work, you need put a big glob at the…

Umm, almost anywhere outside my pillowcase? Inside my pillowcase seems like a near best case scenario.

In my experience, it gets more difficult for kids as they get older. We lost my dad suddenly a three of years ago and it seemed like all the grandkids around 6 and under handled it the best. They certainly loved Grandpa and were sad, but there was some level of emotional development that they hadn’t reached that made…

I had a guy call a delay of game on me because I didn’t give the ball back to him quickly enough after he checked it to me, so I called a technical foul on him.

After winter break in the mid 90s, to get to college, I had to drive from upstate NY to Southern California in a rusty 87 Buick LeSabre that I had bought on the cheap from my grandfather with the knowledge that it had a transmission that would likely shit the bed in the near future and need replacement. I made it to…