This reminds me of the time that someone confused my 98 Corolla LE for a 98 Corolla SE. LE stands for Luxury Edition, while SE stands for Sucky Edition or some such nonsense, and the differences are night and day. I mean, isn’t it fucking obvious that the color of my side mirrors matches the color of the car, and…

The first Mets Bonilla contract wasn’t so bad (5-year, $29 million), and he played pretty well over the three years he was there. It was the second contract the Mets gave a washed up Bonilla in 1998 that was the stinker.

I remember when the Bonds scandal was in full swing and Clemens was still thought to have gotten his strength by jacking off in a corn silo, he was interviewed and asked if he had ever taken steroids. His answer wasn’t “no” as you would expect. It was along the lines of “I would do anything that would give me an…

My goal is to have the inoperable corpse of Ernest Borgnine displayed on the roof of my house.

Are you telling me your home doesn’t have a VIP area? Peasant.

I hope there exists some talented aircraft mechanic/burglar that flies away in his “sculpture”.

I’m hopeful the show goes full Beastmaster. If in episode 3 he directs the kangaroo to punch a uppity Cardinal, it could well be the greatest moment in television history.  

Did he say anything cool after he punched him, like voilà?

My wife will sometimes watch or attend sporting events with me, and she always enjoys it. Although, she enjoys it in the way an anthropologist would enjoy using a time machine to observe a ritualistic gathering of cave men.

Hmm? Other than the times my mom walked in on me, I’ve always done the handshake alone. To each, his own.

Man, I remember when I was in 8th grade gym class playing kick ball and a grizzly bear charged on the field and started mauling the kid on second base. He was on the apposing team, so I was at first hesitant to intervene, but in the end, both I, and the kid on second base, were glad that I was packing heat that day.

I loved this guy in Hannibal, so I’m inclined to let a little old fashioned racism slide.

Finally, I can have a Mustang that’s a sleeper.

You sound like you don’t even care about the 1960 Summer Olympics 16th place finishing East German race walker, Horst Astroth. I’m going to assume it was just a momentary oversight, and not intentional.

That is a suppository nightmare.

Appalooser.

This is the first time I’ve seen someone pull off the medically induced coma no-look pass. Although, he needs a little more drool on his chin.

What do you have against the Seattle Fuzzy Dunlops? Hater.