My goal is to have the inoperable corpse of Ernest Borgnine displayed on the roof of my house.

Are you telling me your home doesn’t have a VIP area? Peasant.

I hope there exists some talented aircraft mechanic/burglar that flies away in his “sculpture”.

I’m hopeful the show goes full Beastmaster. If in episode 3 he directs the kangaroo to punch a uppity Cardinal, it could well be the greatest moment in television history.  

Did he say anything cool after he punched him, like voilà?

My wife will sometimes watch or attend sporting events with me, and she always enjoys it. Although, she enjoys it in the way an anthropologist would enjoy using a time machine to observe a ritualistic gathering of cave men.

Hmm? Other than the times my mom walked in on me, I’ve always done the handshake alone. To each, his own.

Man, I remember when I was in 8th grade gym class playing kick ball and a grizzly bear charged on the field and started mauling the kid on second base. He was on the apposing team, so I was at first hesitant to intervene, but in the end, both I, and the kid on second base, were glad that I was packing heat that day.

I loved this guy in Hannibal, so I’m inclined to let a little old fashioned racism slide.

Finally, I can have a Mustang that’s a sleeper.

You sound like you don’t even care about the 1960 Summer Olympics 16th place finishing East German race walker, Horst Astroth. I’m going to assume it was just a momentary oversight, and not intentional.

That is a suppository nightmare.

Appalooser.

This is the first time I’ve seen someone pull off the medically induced coma no-look pass. Although, he needs a little more drool on his chin.

What do you have against the Seattle Fuzzy Dunlops? Hater.

That’s what they originally thought, but it turns out he was just playing dead.

It did. And from the sound of it, the engine and drivetrain were fashioned entirely from propane accessories.

Just 10 years ago it would have been highly unlikely to see a moose in Troy. In another 10, Central Park will be an all out moose/raccoon/coyote battle royal. Trust me, I’m a moose/raccoon/coyote scientist.

So a more accurate headline would have been “Watch a Pipe Wrench Get Forged into a Janky Piece of Crap”.