Doesn't his concern just make you love him even more?

@AllTheMuppetsAreDead: Your words have inspired me to create a strain of E. coli bacteria the churns out heroin. Finally, the world will be able to look forward to uncontrollable diarrhea.

@bevraj of choice: I was working on it too.

@Pedro Cerrano's Voodoo Factory: He was commanded to drive by a neighbors dog who assured him that he was below the legal limit.

@bball123h: +1

More evidence that constantly sucking helium causes mouth cancer.

@Always Winning: You really need to include "The Turd" along with "El Turdo", as Matt did. Otherwise, how will anyone know what "El Turdo" means? We don't all speak Mexican.

@Lionel Osbourne: It must suck to finally achieve your dream of becoming a notorious murderer, only to be given a lame name like the "Craigslist Killer." I'd definitely want something cool like "Night Stalker" or "O.J.".

@Arthur_Digby_Sellers: +1

@See you suckers later: It's not as creepy as it sounds. I mean, Morgan was only 62 when he started banging his granddaughter.

Sadly, Nancy Kerrigan has promised her firstborn to a dwarf who spun straw into silver for her.

@FavreWIN: I missed cockfest this afternoon. I've kind of been dreading the prospect of slogging through 400 dick jokes. Is it worth it?

@AustraliansDontDrinkFosters: Twice is no good. Three or four times is OK though.

@A Duck With a Lisp: Impressive research.

Unlike thinner bodily fluids, Liquid Semen clings to clogs until they become so disgusted that they leave of their own volition.

Nothing beats sex on a wet, squishy carpet set to the sweet sounds and aroma of an overflowing toilet.

I actually added a feathered and serrated edges to the front and back edges of a too loud desk fan based on the owl wing. It definitely muffled the sound a bit, but most of the noise came from the motor, so overall there wasn't a huge difference. It was worth a try.

@crazyjoedavola: Maybe his wife is the "Boys will be boys" type, or even the "Boys will send croc, crotch shots to younger, hotter versions of myself" type.

@em.: I actually remember a few of my teachers openly smirking while I was being bullied.

It really illustrates how useless the "You need to stand up to them" strategy usually is.