Well, yeah... but for science!

Here’s the version from Harper’s... sans the bake-off competition. The longer, unedited-for-length version is in the essay collection A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again.

I started reading Harper’s about 25 years ago and would buy issues at newstands before finally getting a subscription. I’d have newstand workers occasionally look at me wondering why I would want to read that... but “sure, guy. Whatever.”

Tom Cruise thought that “babyness” was damn sexy... not creepy at all.

Hey! I like borscht, with sour cream and crusty bread. Don’t be badmouthing an innocent soup here.

Very true... make “Election Day” the deadline to collect votes.

The Electoral College is written into the Constitution, so getting rid of it would require an amendment and that is a high bar to reach. The state plan requires a far smaller number of states to agree. I can’t imagine the colossal shit that the losing party would throw if that plan is ever enacted and tips an election…

All the state’s electors vote for the candidate who won the popular vote. There is no reason to split percentages or do any complicated math. Each state is allowed to apportion its electors as it sees fit, so there. About 10 states have already signed on to this plan. Here’s more info.

The Evian Water Corporation.

Place your bets! Place your bets!

I hope you simply forgot the /s

1) Change Election Day to a Saturday or a Sunday or make it a paid holiday (hah.. right)

Using “douchebag” just shouts fucktard.

“Well... we could be convinced to hold the flag...”

I’d be adding them to my resume.

I say we slap a bow on Ivanka and gift her to North Korea... a new bride for Kim. He likes blondes, right?

Let’s get hammered!

For those clothes drying racks... slice a length of pool noodle fit it over one of the wires of the clothes rack, as though you were insulating the wire with the pool noodle. It’ll add enough surface area so that your shirts won’t end up with a crease from where they hung on the thin wire. I hope this description…

If succeeding presidents simply work to undo what their predecessors have accomplished, we’ll be back to colonies in no time. The East coast goes back to being English, the West coast goes back to Spain, the south goes back to Mexico and the interior returns to France. I’m thinking that’d be an improvement.

Of course, we can’t have cops who are too smart either.