The utter ridiculousness of the statement *is* the joke.

This seems logical.

Also the food required to power the fleshy turn signal, the power used to roll the window up and down if you dont have power windows and dont live somewhere you can always have a window down... wear on the window mechanism...

Free low and high-fives as well.

Additional wind drag, yo. Also, air conditioning loss, especially here in the armpit of The South.

Drinking bleach kills germs. Everyone knows this.

Oh, I see the paid, eclipse glasses industrial complex, shills have shown up.

Bullshit. All moneymaking ventures are frauds. Every single one.

This “eclipse” is really caused by all those chemtrails that Obummer sprayed in the air coalescing in to a giant cloud that will blot out the sun and increase temperatures so them libtard scientists can say “See, global warming is real.” It’s all a scam by BIG SCIENCE. Wake up, sheeple! /s

Agreed. You fools will be out there with your expensive glasses and I’ll just be out there like a man like:

But what about eating yogurt while looking at the eclipse?

Nick Denton wouldve gone blind with me

RESOLVED:

Asking for a friend, Will wanking while looking at the eclipse make you extra blind?

As editor in chief of Splinter, I must state that Splinter does not endorse Hamilton Nolan’s views about the eclipse. I do, however, support him emotionally.

I used to always do this and have had many people call me out for being rude. Just because you don’t think something is rude won’t stop your friends and family from being offended.

It’s not a dog whistle, it’s a trombone.

Don, if you are going to dog whistle to your fellow racists, could you make it harder to hear, please?